First off, I want to thank everyone for your kind comments yesterday. Knowing that I have support out there in blogland makes me feel so good and helps bring me out of the funk faster.
I'm feeling a lot better today and it even started last night...after my computer monitor completely broke and we had to run out to Best Buy to purchase a new one. Oy to the vey.
I need to stop doing a lot of things, I need to get back into how motivated I was when I first got my band and even before when I was doing a pre-op diet. I lost my pre-op weight so quickly that they moved my surgery from October to August. I need to find that Leslie again and kick butt in the weight loss and being healthy.
A lot of my eating is due to stress and not being able to control situations. I think my appointment on Monday with the ob/gyn really shook me up. I'm not offering this as an excuse either, I'm just trying to be more aware of my triggers. It's almost like if I do have PCOS there is nothing I can do to change that, yes they can help me get pregnant which is good but it's just now hitting me and what if something else is wrong with me that could be even more serious? I'm just worried and my dreams have been out of control this week, my dreams are where my stress manifests itself.
I need to get control of my stress and emotional/stress eating once and for all. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about doing that but stress eating just leads me to feel more miserable about the food choices I make, it's a vicious cycle.
I need to focus on other things so I made myself a nice to do list for today and most likely into the weekend of things I want to get done. I'm also going to focus on our vacation in January, plan our park days, make a budget, fun things like that which I enjoy doing.
Cat mentioned when I talked about ordering this shirt when I hit under 300lbs before my birthday (did you notice the when in there, not the if?) that I should order the shirt 2 sizes smaller. Cat's comment has stuck with me since then and at first I thought there is no way I could fit in a 1X Disney shirt, which run notoriously small in January. The more I think about this, the more I want to fit in a 1X. The highest size they have is 3X which is what size shirt I wore in January 2011 to Disney. I want to be in that 1X in January 2012. I am going to make it happen. So I told myself then I started making excuses, "What if the shirt is too short?" I'm telling myself now, I will wear a tank top underneath it. Then I said to myself, "What if I waste the money and the shirt doesn't fit in January? I should just order the 2X, I know I can fit in that." I'm telling myself that I will fit into that 1X and if I don't, then I will eventually because I will be under 200lbs by 9/3/12. I am trying so very hard to believe in myself.
*I will make healthy eating choices today.
*I will let go on things I have no control over.
*Our money situation can only get better.
*I have really nice penmanship.
*I have had a lot of success in losing weight.
*I will dig out my yoga dvd by Sunday in hopes that it will help me de-stress.
*I believe I will weigh under 200lbs by 9/3/12.
Thanks again ladies for all your wonderful support!
5 comments:
I am just reading your post from yesterday and then skipped ahead to todays! I am sorry I didn't get to read it yesterday but huge hugs to you!
Coming from a fertility standpoint you and I have a similar situation. It is hella stressful wanting to have kids and not being able to have them. It puts me in a bad place and it makes me do and say things that I shouldn't. BUT we can't control it. What we can control is our health. And that my dear is what you are doing. Trying everything to control your health. When we do that it makes it a little bit easier to conceive. Nothing you don't already know but you can do this. Food is not a comfort. It is a need. I struggle everyday with this.
Talk. as much as you want. But talk to yourself too. Talk yourself out of bad choices! Remember the bottom line is to have a child and be as healthy as possible to see that child grow! Chin up sunshine!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that one of your positive comments to yourself is that you have really nice penmanship! That makes me smile :)
I'm so very relieved to read that you are pulling up out of the dark place today Leslie. You are SO worth this journey. It was also strange seeing my comment to you a few weeks back brought up today because I was like, "Did I say that?? Yep, I do remember that!" Hee hee. I still think you should go for the 2 sizes smaller. Stop those what ifs in their tracks. You CAN do this and as Amanda said, food isn't love, food isn't comfort...all food is, is familiar. It's what the old you used to do. The new you us kicking ass and controling her health. *puffy hearts*
What a fantastic idea!! You should totally order the 1X. If it comes freakishly small and you can't fit into it in January, it will be there for you a little later. And how good is THAT going to feel??? I LOVE this!
Glad you're doing better! I get geeked out about stuff like to-do lists and budgets too! Just keep focusing on your goals and remember all the reasons you want to lose weight. You'll do great!
Post a Comment