Thank You Secret Bandit!

On Sunday when I got home from my parents for Christmas, I came home to a lovely package and note from my Secret Bandit.

My Secret Bandit knows me well, this onesie for Violet is perfect!

Thank You Secret Bandit!

Bullet Update

I think it's time for an update of sorts.  I'm feeling bullet pointy today so here we go...

• I passed my second 1 hour glucose test.  Yay!  The first one I took I failed by 3 teeny little points.  My midwife decided to let me taket he 1 hour again and I passed, my numbers had to be under 130 and I was 115.  I am VERY happy about that.  I did not want to have to worry about gestational diabetes.
• I had so much fun being a Secret Bandit for Cece from Banded for Boots.  She was so much fun to send little packages too these last few months.  The only bummer is that I never received a single thing from my Secret Bandit.   
• I can't believe that Christmas is in 10 days!?  Where have the last few months gone?  The time is just flying right by. 
• My foot is still giving me problems, it still aches all the time and I've tried to exercise with it and it just hurts too badly.
• I have gained 31lbs since July.  Blech.  I'm actually trying not to dwell on it too much.  I can't even blame it all on pregnancy because in July when they told us we would need IVF my eating spiraled out of control.  Then I broke my foot and haven't been able to exercise since August so my less than stellar food choices aren't even being helped by exercise.  Honestly, I don't feel hopeless though.  I feel like once the baby is born than the weight will come off more easily than in the past before my band.  I know I have the tools to get back on track. 
• Most of the time when I daydream about how things will be when Violet is here, I think about taking walks with her.  The "old" Leslie would have never thought about that.  I can't wait for the spring and walks.
• My biggest craving right now is spicy food.  Before pregnancy I was a very mild eater, I'm not huge into spicy foods so my husband thinks this is hilarious.
• I met my New Year's resolution of reading 100 books in 2011.  I think I'm actually on 104 or 105 right. 
• I can't think of anything else to update you on so I'm going to end it here.
• Happy Holidays!

Thankful

I have been loving all the Thankful blogs that a lot of bloggers have been doing this month so I thought being the day before Thanksgiving that I should give it a whirl.

I'm Thankful for....

*My wonderful husband, Marc. 

He is really the best guy I know and I feel incredibly lucky to be his wife.

*My parents. 

They have always supported me and been there for me when I needed a hug or a kick in the butt.

*Being pregnant. 

Deep down I never thought I'd ever be able to get pregnant.  I feel so lucky to be pregnant with our sweet baby girl.

*My Kitties.

They are just so lovable and sweet.  I love my fur babies.

*Books.

I'm an avid reader and can't imagine my life without books.

*My Realize Band.

I wouldn't be where I am today without it.  It has given me the boost I've needed to lose weight and keep it off.  I can't wait to get back to losing after the baby is born.

Those are just a few of the things I'm thankful for this Holiday season, what about you?

Update on Life in General

I'm not a very consistent blogger anymore.  I guess I just don't have much to update on concerning weight loss while being pregnant. 

Things are going well on the pregnancy front.  We had another ultrasound on Monday and we got to see baby girl.  I can't remember if I posted her name or not.  Here is a picture of us with the banner we made.  The banner will hang in her room.

At my appointment on Monday, I had lost 2.5lbs since my last appointment and my blood pressure was perfect.  Yay!  I'm for sure eating more while pregnant but I'm trying to focus on healthier choices, sometimes with success, sometimes not as successful.  I'm okay with that.

I'm feeling really good now, no morning sickness anymore.  I'm still not able to exercise because of my foot.  I'm still in physical therapy and I'm still limping when I walk for the most part.  I'm sick of this recovery process.  I think my weight gain wouldn't be so bad if I would have been able to exercise these last few months.  I miss my walks outside, I can't wait until I can start exercsing again.  The only thing I'm not really happy about with being pregnant is that I don't look pregnant at all, just overweight.  Like when I buy baby stuff I get asked, "oh who is having a baby?"  Isn't that rude?!  Grrr.  I would like to actually look pregnant soon but oh well.  It's a minor thing overall.

I'm starting to gear up for the holidays.  I love the Christmas season, trees, lights, decorations, Christmas cards, the holiday movies.  I just love it all! 

I'm just in such a good mood lately.  I don't remember if I have ever been this consistently happy.  It's a very nice feeling and I hope it lasts!

Gender Reveal!

Whoops!

So apparently in my quest to make it so anonymous users can't leave comments on my blog, I made it so no one could.  Sorry about that!  I think I have the right settings now but if some of you would be so kind to do some test comments that would be so sweet of you!  

Busy Little Bee

That's me, a Busy Little Bee.

I've been busy with doctor appointments, physical therapy and moving.  So much fun but I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I couldn't be happier.

FIVE days until we find out if the baby is a boy or girl.  I am so flipping excited to know.  We are planning the gender reveal party on the 29th for our immediate family so I've been having fun coming up with decorations and a little game.  Should be a fun time.  It will also be the first time that both sides of the family have gotten together since we found out we were pregnant so it will be nice to just see everyone and celebrate together.

I had a bit of a scare with my blood pressure but I'm happy to say that it has gone back down and the last time I went to the doctor I had lost SIX lbs in a week.  Yahoo!  I'm back on track, eating healthier and I am feeling so much better.  No more morning sickness.  Hallelujah! 

I'm out of my boot cast and wearing my sneaker again, at first it felt really weird but now it's normal.  I'm still limping and haven't been cleared for exercise.  My PT goal for myself is to be able to go outside for walks before it starts snowing.  Hopefully I can get there.

I've been keeping up with your blogs, just not commenting much.  I'm still thinking of all of you!

October is Here!

My mom was harping on me this weekend to post on my blog. She said she was sick of looking at the same post so here I am...blogging.

There has been a lot going on.  Marc & I were offered the chance to move into the downstairs of the house we rent.  It's larger, has two bedrooms with doors, which our upstairs lacks, has a screened in side porch and just overall is better for baby.  The wood floors are newer, so that means no ancient nails poking up from the floor.  It's the simple things in life.

But...with moving comes a lot of stress.  I know we are just moving downstairs but it's a lot of work and it stresses me out big time.  I need all new curtains, my mom is giving us two love seats and I can't find affordable couch covers for them, I hate hate hate the wallpaper downstairs and we are going to try to move before we host the gender reveal party on October 29.  We should be able to start moving in on October 21.  ACK!  That is just about a week to clean, move and get settled in to host the party.  Talk about stressing me out.  Everyone swears we can get everything done, my parents have offered to come down the weekend before the party and help move as Marc is starting a new part time job this week which means his free time to move is even more limited.

Deep Breaths.  I'm really trying to keep my cool and if it wasn't for the party I would be cool as cucumber but I want my house to look good for the party and most importantly I want to enjoy it.

I started physical therapy last night.  I wore my sneaker for the first time in almost 10 weeks on my fractured foot when I got home, it was weird.  I felt like my foot didn't weigh enough.  My first few steps were comical.  I am slowly going to start transitioning from my boot to sneaker now...yay!  One NSV from last night was the therapist asked me what my goal was in PT...and I didn't hesitate to say "I want to start my morning walks again, I really miss them."  Who would have thought I would ever miss exercise?

My eating has gotten better.  With my morning sickness gone, I've been able to start eating cottage cheese for breakfast again and I'm trying to eat less carb-a-licous snacks but it is hard.  I'm trying to get myself into the mentality that I don't need to constantly eat like I want too but it's hard.  I'm taking baby steps to get back to the super healthy eating and I know I will get there.  I have my OB appointment on Thursday and I'm interested to see if I have lost anything, I am just too scared of what # I will see on my home scale and right now not knowing is holding me more accountable.  My jeans did feel baggier this weekend, I'm taking that as a good sign.  

I'm so happy that those of you who went to BOOBs had a great time!  I've been having a fun time reading all about it and looking at the pictures! 

Bullet Style

• Today is a bullet day.  I'm too sleepy for paragraphs.
• I start physical therapy for my foot on October 3rd.  Finally!
• Turns out the Dr. I saw for my 2nd opinion spotted 3 fractures not 2.  Lucky me.
• I should be able to stop wearing my boot cast full time next week.  Yaya!
• Thursday will mark 9 weeks in this evil boot cast.  I am so over it.
• I am 14 weeks pregnant today!
• The baby is the size of a lemon, a cute little lemon.
• I'm slacking on sending out my Secret Bandit gift, I will get to the post office tomorrow, I pinky promise.
• I have not been eating very healthy at all.  I am so hungry and just want to eat constantly.
• My next doctor's appointment is Oct. 6th and I'm worried I will have gained more weight.  I don't want a lecture.  I know between being picky about what I eat and no exercise I'm not exactly doing well.
• I want to go for a walk like you wouldn't believe, I think it would be a great stress reliever right now.
• 29 days until we find out if baby is a boy or girl!
• We have baby names picked out, I really can't wait to start calling baby by it's name.
• I really can't wait to see that ultrasound and see that baby is looking more like a baby, our first ultrasound all we saw was this little baby blob which was completely adorable.
• We are throwing a gender reveal party for our parents, siblings and a few other family members after we find out.  I'm excited to reveal to everyone what the baby is at the same time.
• I haven't stepped on my personal scale at home for over 9 weeks.  I can put weight on my foot now barefoot but I'm scared to do it.  I'm so totally scared of what that number is going to be.  Sigh.
• I really wish pregnancy was that time in my life where I wouldn't have to worry about the scale but I guess that isn't going to be me.

Please Help!

Hi Everyone!!

Could you do me a super special favor and help out my friend, Caren.

She is an awesome teacher in a very poor area and she is in a contest to win some books for her classroom.  The contest was to make your classroom "go Disney" and she did a great job.  

This is the link.  Vote for Caren, she is #2.  

I normally wouldn't plug a link like this but Caren is a dedicated teacher.  She is always going above and beyond for her students when they don't have all the things they need in the classroom or at home.  

Thanks for your time and please go vote so a deserving teacher and students can get receive a box of Disney-themed classroom resources and supplies.  

Random Blogging Thoughts

I feel weird blogging about my pregnancy.  I feel like since this is a blog about my weight loss that I shouldn't but then the other part of me says this a blog about me and my journey with the Realize Band.  If I hadn't had the Realize Band and lost 100lbs I wouldn't be pregnant today.

So I'm going to blog about my pregnancy. 

Yesterday we had our 12 week appointment, the doctor changed my due date from April 1st to March 26, 2012.  Not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things except we can have our 18 week ultrasound a little sooner which is where we will find out what we are having.  Yay!  I can't wait to know if it's a boy or a girl.

I gained 5lbs from my last appointment but I'm trying not to feel guilty about that seeing as I haven't been able to exercise in 6 weeks and the fact that with the boot cast on I don't really walk around if I can help it.  Plus I have been eating way more carbs than normal.  They are the only thing I seem to really want to eat besides apples. 

I have a prenatal Yoga/Relaxation DVD and I think I'm going to try to do some of it that won't involve my foot.  I want to try that this weekend. 

I need to get back in the swing of things, since I fractured my foot I really haven't had any motivation or drive to do anything.  I want to start blogging on my Simple Sweetness blog again too.  I just need to get my butt in gear.  I also need to send out my Secret Bandit gift for September.  I'm kinda bummed because I never received anything in August from my Secret Bandit.

I guess this post is just me saying that I want to be around more, not be afraid of blogging about my pregnancy because afterall this is a blog ABOUT ME and just get back into the swing of things.  I feel like I have taken a 6 week detour.

Lots Going On

I can't believe I disappeared for two weeks.  Honestly, I don't think I have anything really interesting to say but I'm going to bore you anyways...so there.

Eating is still touch and go.  I have to force myself to eat every few hours which is totally different from the last two years with the band, but if I don't then I get nauseous and get the dry heaves.  Ugh.  I can't stand smells, any smell really.  I wish I could come up with some sort of nose filter, I dream about inventing one because it would make me so very happy.  That being said, my food choices haven't been great but right now it's more about actually eating something than eating the right things.  I am munching on an apple right now and it is freaking delicious!

I still have my boot cast on.  I still hate it.  I went for a follow up on Wednesday and I have been given the all clear to start wearing my sneaker around the house, I haven't started yet because honestly I am a little scared it's going to hurt and by the time I get home from work at night I am seriously Mrs. Crankypants Galore.  I started back on 8 hours days on Tuesday this week at work.  I need the money.  The insurance company denied my claim so I've had to hire a lawyer.  I think I deserve my lost wages seeing as I didn't ask to fall in the freaking hole in their stupid parking lot.  Grrrr.

My whole body hurts from walking funny with the boot, it's not fun.  Yes, all I'm doing is complaining in this post.  I need to stop. 

I miss exercising...GASP!  Yes, I just said that.  I wish I could go outside and go for a morning walk before work.  Sigh.  If I ever complain about exercise again, just say this...."BOOT CAST". 

We canceled our Disney trip.  I'm sad about it, I really wanted to go and if it wasn't for me missing so much work last month we would probably still be going even with the pregnancy.  It makes me angry that I had to cancel because of my foot accident and the money I didn't make. 

I know this post is all Complainer McComplainerson but I am happy, just have a lot going on with my foot and work.  It's hard dealing with those things when I just want to buy baby things and make a nursery. 

I've been reading your blogs, not commenting a lot but I'm out there reading.  I will try to blog more frequently and not be as negative. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Two Years!

Today marks the 2nd Anniversary of my Realize Band surgery.

I can't quite believe it's been two whole years, the time has flown by in most aspects.

The biggest reason I had surgery was so that I could get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy.  I was feeling really discouraged last month when the doctors thought we would have to go through IVF treatments.  I started to feel like I done surgery for nothing.  I know I did it for other reasons but that was my main goal. 

The last two years have not been easy by any means.  I have lost about 100lbs, which doesn't seem like enough to me for two years of losing weight.  I know I need to be thankful for what I have accomplished but it is hard to feel like you haven't done enough. 

Obviously during my pregnancy I won't be focusing on losing weight.  When I talked to my OB at my first appointment, she said I don't necessarily have to gain weight during pregnancy as long as the baby gains weight and stays healthy.  I don't know how realistic that is.  I am just going to focus on healthy choices and once I get this darn boot off start my walking back up again.  I really miss my walks.  I really miss walking in general, the hobbling I do doesn't quite cut the mustard.

I need to focus on eating more healthy things.  With my morning sickness a few weeks ago, I started eating more crackers and comfort food.  I'm not doing awful but I could be doing better.  Though if I eat one more banana, I will probably turn into one.

I'm going to try to take some pictures this weekend, since I haven't taken any all month but for now I will leave you with these ones, some of my favorite pictures because they remind where I came from and who I have become.



May 2009



May 2009



September 2009



June 2010



January 2011



March 2011 with that hideous black dress



April 2011



May 2011





May 2011



100lbs Lost!!



June 2011



Here's to another 100lbs lost over the next 2 years!

News to Share

Turns out we got pregnant the week they told us we would need to do fertility treatments! 

Baby is due on April 1st.

This is a big reason why I have been so quiet on my blog.  I found out two weeks ago and wanted to make it through the first ultrasound before I shared the news.  We had it yesterday and everything looks great, a strong little heartbeat and all.

We are over the moon happy.

Foot Update

Had my follow up appointment today for my fractured foot.  Turns out the doc thinks I actually have TWO fractures.  Lucky me! I'm so over this foot thing.  He has cleared me to go back to work starting on Wednesday for 4 hours a day instead of my normal 8...for the next month.  I'm not really happy about this.  I'm not getting paid, HR is giving me a ton of crap about my restrictions and I'm just overall cranky.

My eating hasn't been too bad despite the shit storm surrounding me so I'm happy about that.  

Sorry to be so doom and gloom lately but it's hard to blog about losing weight when I'm stuck sitting on the couch with my foot in a boot cast.  

Shout Out to C!

Okay, this is a selfish post.

This is a shout out to my old nutritionist C.  I know she sometimes reads my blog and I think I don't have her email address right.  I've emailed a few times and haven't heard anything back.

So, C, if you are reading this...email me! 

:)

I'm Still Here & Secret Bandit Survey

Hey Everyone.  I'm still here.  My boot is still here too.  I also have the lovely addition of blisters to the bottom of my fractured foot from the stupid boot.  I can't even begin to tell you how much they hurt.

The pain in my foot has gone down a lot but I think I rather have the pain than the blisters.  My landlord lent me a walker and that works much much MUCH better than the crutches so I can get around a lot easier.

I'm pretty much bored out of my mind and seem to be sleeping A LOT.  I get up when Marc gets up and shower before he leaves the house and then usually sleep on the couch for at least an hour.  I have no idea how I'm going to get up and function to go to work next week.  Or get around work.  This whole situation frustrates me to no end.

I'm being cured of my scale addiction though so I guess that is a good thing!

I figured I would do the Secret Bandit survey since I don't have a lot else to say but complain about my foot.

1) What is your size for shirts, pants, shoes, etc.?  Any size you are inclined to post.

I don't really like people buying clothes for me.  I'm super picky. 

2) Do you prefer to read with an old fashioned book, own a Kindle, EReader, Nook, or other electronic book?

I have a Nook but I don't use it a lot because I spend way too much money on books, I usually go to the library. That being said, I love love love LOVE to read.  

3) What are your top 3-5 hobbies?

Hmmm.  I like to be crafty, crocheting, sewing, stuff like that.

I love to read.

I also love to plan my trips to Disney.   

4) Do you have a favorite color?  If so, what is it?

Purple or Sage Green.

5) What motivated you to lose weight?

The biggest thing that motivated me to lose weight was so we could have a baby.

6) For vacations do you prefer the beach or the mountains?

I'm not a big fan of sand.  I love to swim though.  Give me a lake any day of the week....BUT BUT BUT my very favorite place to travel is Disney...but you already knew that.

Crutches = Satan

Hi Everyone, thought I would check in real quick.

My foot sucks, crutches suck and I'm just in a suckity suck suck mood.  

I'm trying to be upbeat but I hate not being able to do anything for myself.  Marc went to a family reunion for a few hours today and of course I try to do something for myself and stumble on my crutches and land on my hurt foot.  Ouch to say the least.

I know I don't go back to work for more than a week but I'm already terrified of how I will look and deal with crutches at work.  I'm not graceful at all on these things.  I'm just BLAH about this whole situation.  Plus the pain medicine isn't really doing much for the pain.  Ice has been my best friend the last two days.  I'm hoping when I go to the doctor on the 15th that he will say I can actually put weight on my foot or something.  The crutches are sucking the life out of me.  

My eating isn't awful so that's a good thing.  I'm just so pissed this happened.  It's very frustrating.

Just call me Graceful!

Yours truly fell this evening and this is what I got!  A fractured foot, a boot cast for at least six weeks and those cursed crutches.  UGH!  

I seriously can't believe it. I spent almost 4 hours in the ER this evening.  I can't go back to work until August 16th and I don't think I'm ever leaving my house because going up and down the stairs is pure torture.  

Luckily a very nice orthopedic doctor came to the ER to see me since he lived close by and he was awesome.  He gave me this boot cast and really made me feel like this would recover.  The ER doctor was talking surgery and months long recovery.  Orthopedic doctor said that I could need surgery but he doesn't foresee that as long as I heal properly.  

I have officially decided that I am DONE.  Nothing else can add to the drama of my life!

NO MORE!

Put a fork in me, I'm done.

Recap of Fill Appointment

I had my fill yesterday.  The PA gave me 1 full CC.  I was happy with that.  I also cried a whole lot.  Like a lot, a lot.  It seems it is all I do lately.  The PA suggested that I meet with the new therapist at the clinic, as she is very experienced with weight loss patients and thought she might be helpful.  I had to wait around a bit but then I met with her and let me tell you, I am so thankful that I met with her. 

She gets it.  Like, she really gets it.  And she put into words how I am feeling about this whole getting pregnant situation.  She said, "It is like you a mourning a loss or a death."

Literally, a light bulb went off and I felt immediate relief to have the words for how I am feeling.  I am mourning a loss, the loss and realization that I may never get pregnant.  I know there are options and I know I should stay positive but honestly I do feel like something has died. 

We talked some more about how I am a person who likes to be in control and how right now with all the medical stuff, that eating is the only thing I have the control over.  It is very true and I do recognize that.

So the clinic therapist, we shall call her CT from now, wants to work with me.  I can tell that she has a lot of experience and I think she really gets the issues I'm struggling with in eating and infertility.   She was also able to accommodate me a bit in that on the days she stays late for support groups and info sessions, she can see me at 4:30 for an hour.  Which means I only have to leave work 30 minutes early.  I called HR and my boss and they are good with me doing that every other week or so, honestly it will probably work out to about twice a month.  I think CT will be an excellent fit with me and it was nice to have someone go out of their way to make sure I can get appointments with them.  She could use that time to get her own dinner or whatnot but she's willing to see me then.  I really appreciate that.  I'm going to see her next Wednesday and for the first time in weeks, I feel like I can actually conquer my emotional eating issues.

I'm not really noticing a difference with this fill yet but sometimes it days a few days for me to really notice.  I brought significantly less food with me to work than I normally do.

*Greek Yogurt & Nectarine for breakfast

*Soup for lunch

*Cottage Cheese with left over baked beans (OMG, I love this combination)

*2 Cheese sticks

I panic a little bit when I think about this but I'm just going to handle it.  Tonight for dinner we are having burger patties from Whole Foods.  No buns thank you very much and I think we are going to have butternut squash souffle from Whole Foods again.  I have seen these garden lites at other grocery stores too.  They have other types too, like spinach, zucchini and something else too but I can't remember.  I have only tried the butternut squash but it is seriously yummy.  It's 180 calories, 2g Fat & 9g of protein for the whole souffle.  I bet it would make a good mushie food for those baby banders out there too.  I just looked at their website and they have a cauliflower one, it looks delicious!  I must find more of these.

Things are looking up and when I weighed myself this morning the scale was down for the first time it what seems WEEKS.  Granted it was 332.9 but it was down from yesterday.  Yay!

Moderation vs. Perfection

I think I have identified my biggest struggle with the band.

Moderation vs. Perfection

Somehow I have got it in my head that in order to lose weight I have to be perfect.  I am not perfect, I don't do well when I deprive myself of certain foods.  I look at other banders out there who didn't eat any of those things that we shouldn't until they reached maintenance.  I wonder how the heck they did that?  Because I can't.  For example....I have this internal struggle going on that if I have ice cream than I'm automatically bad, even if I have one serving or one of those Skinny Cow ice creams.  Then if I'm already bad then why not eat those chicken fingers, french fries and oh to top it off some cheesecake. 

Now I'm not saying anything against those banders who can give up things, man I wish I could.  Life would be easier!  I have never, in the two years that I have had the band been able to strike the balance between moderation and feeling that I have to eat perfectly to lose weight.  I'm not sure how to change this but I know it's something I need to work on.

It's not like I think I'm perfect, I am far far far from perfect so why do I think I have to eat perfectly?  My portion control is my biggest problem.  I have issues with the volume of food I eat.  I feel if it is not a "big" serving than I am depriving myself.  Or I have to bring extra food for my workday because apparently I feel like I will starve. 

I hate these things about myself and I want them to go away.  I am seeing my fill today as a way to "re-boot" my band and my mind.  I am also going to ask my clinic for another copy of the nutrional information they gave us at our very first appointments, I think my binder was victim to one of my cleaning purges.  I want to succeed.  I want to show my family and friends that the band does work and most importantly I do NOT want to become a failing statistic.  I don't want to be the person that is pointed to for band failure.

So my plan for today and tomorrow is this....

Today

*Fill @ 2PM

*Go to hospital to pick up lab orders for a fertility test that Marc needs

*Post Office to mail ebay items

*Whole Foods - pick up soup for tonight's dinner and tomorrow's lunch

*Pick up Marc from work

*Go Home

*Eat soup for dinner

*Therapy appointment @ 6PM

Tomorrow

*Walk for 30 minutes before work

*Work 8 - 4:30

*Greek Yogurt for breakfast

*Soup for lunch

*Cottage cheese for snack

*Dinner following bander basics!

My clinic only has us be on liquids for the rest of the day after a fill but I'm going to extend that a bit.  I'm hoping for a fill on the aggressive side so I think soup for lunch will be wise at work tomorrow and then try some solid protein for dinner.  I'm feeling good about this plan.  I really want to lose 60lbs before Disney in January, plus I want that spending money!!  I was thrown for a loop this last month and now I need to take charge again.

Some quotes I found on perfection, I think I need to print these out.  Do you think tattooing on my forehead is a bit extreme?? 

“Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect. It makes you feel inadequate.” ~Maria Shriver

“You don’t have to be perfect in order to be successful.” ~Anonymous

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” ~Mark Victor Hansen

“Strive for excellence, not perfection, because we don’t live in a perfect world.” ~Joyce Meyer

Hallelujah!

I am very happy today!  I finally got call backs from two new therapists!  Who knew it was so hard to find people?  I mean, seriously?

I have been leaving messages all over the place, apparently because I need night availability that makes it more difficult to accept me as a patient.  

I talked to two very promising therapists today.  I have an appointment with one of them tomorrow afternoon after my fill and then the next one is supposed to call me back with an appointment time.  I'm keeping my options open in case one of them isn't a good fit.  I think that is important.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm depressed.  I think I can handle everything on my own and then WHAM something happens and I can't get control of myself.  I have spent most of today crying off and on at my desk.  It's awful.  I'm sick of feeling this way.  Marc feels helpless and then I feel bad because I'm making him feel bad.  Ugh.

I'm really hoping that I will feel better after my appointment with my fill and the new therapist tomorrow.

*Fingers Crossed* 

A Little About Me

Since I'm participating in the Secret Bandits, I figured I would do this little questionnaire.  

1. What is your occupation right now ?

Branch Fulfillment Assistant, I work at a bank.  Basically I am support for the branches in our operation center.  

2.What color are your socks right now? 

White.

3. What are you listening to right now? 

Tosh.0, my husband is watching.


4. What was the last thing that you ate? 

I shall not tell a lie...roast beef sub and mozzarella sticks.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? 

Nope and have no desire to learn.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? 

My mom, she was telling me her and my dad are headed home early from their trip.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? 

I stole this idea from multiple people and I like them all!

8. How old are you today? 

28.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? 

I am girl.  I like gymnastics, ice skating and my FAVORITE sport show is Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.  :)


10. What is your favorite drink? 

Diet Dr. Pepper.  Too bad I don't drink it anymore.


11. Have you ever dyed your hair? 

Yes, I usually highlight but haven't for almost a year now.


12. Favourite food? 

LOBSTER.


13. What is the last movie you watched?

JFK with Marc yesterday.


14. Favorite day of the year? 

Anyday I don't have to work.

15. How do you vent anger? 

Crying, yelling or eating.


16. What was your favorite toy as a child? 

Gumdrops, he was my teddy bear.  I still have him.  He has gone to on my driver's test with me, to Florida, everywhere basically.

17. What is your favorite season? 

Fall.


18. Cherries or Blueberries? 

Hmmm...to eat by themselves Cherries but I adore blueberry pancakes

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Sure...or you could just post on your blog.20. Where is you favorite place to escape?

Disney.  Though that is not affordable or logical.  My second favorite is to get a pedicure at the Spa.

21. Favorite TV Show?Dexter!  Sex and the City!  Don't make me choose.


22. Living arrangements? 

Married, two kitties, trying to get pregnant.
23. When was the last time you cried? 

Hmmm...about 60 minutes ago.  I cry a lot.

24. What is on the floor of your closet? 

A safe box and a bag of old clothes.


25. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
Hmmm...I really don't know.  Probably Amanda, we've known each other a long time.

26. What did you do last night? 

Watched JFK, went to bed and watched The Simpsons.  We watch The Simpsons every night before bed.  I love it.

27. What are you most afraid of?

Never having kids.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? 

Cheeseburger please!

29. Favourite dog breed? 

No thanks, not a huge dog person.  

30. Favourite day of the week? 

Saturday.

31. How many states have you lived in? 

Two, Maine & Massachusetts but I've worked in three, Maine, New Hampshire & Massachusetts.

32. Diamonds or pearls? 

Diamonds

33. What is your favorite flower? 

Lilacs.

Cold, Luna Bar, Bodybugg and 5k.

It is so cold in my office building, it's not even funny.  My toes and fingers are frozen!  I have my hoodie on and that isn't even helping!  Brrrrrr! 

I woke up this morning and went out for a walk.  Yay me!  Due to my fill appointment on Wednesday I had to be at work early but I still went out and got 26 minutes of exercise in.  I started my week off right.

So far this morning I have eaten what I planned too but I did end up eating my Luna Bar - Chocolate Dipped Coconut and let me tell you that was like eating a little piece of heaven.  I am starving this morning and after I ate my cottage cheese I was still starving so I caved and ate it.  I am okay with that, I could have eaten something a lot worse.

I have decided that I'm going to sell my bodybugg.  It's not that I don't like it, I do but I find that I'm not using it because the armband causes pain due to the nerve damage I have in my arms.  It really irritates it and the nerve damage is from years ago and it doesn't bother me on a daily basis but I finally connected that it hurts when I wear my bodybugg.  So anyhoo...I am going to list it on ebay to sell but I figured I would offer it up to any banders who might be interested first.  I am willing to sell it for a reasonable price and all told I have probably worn it for about 30 days total.  I believe if you buy a used bodybugg you are still able to get the 6 month free trial subscription to the program, I think I read that somewhere in my literature.  I have everything it came with and the box still.  Just send me a comment or email if you are interested.  If not, I'm going to list it on ebay.

I finally feel as though I am in the right frame of mind.  I was lost there for a few weeks but I feel like I can do this again.  I was forcing myself to try and it wasn't working and then I would just feel more guilty.  But now, I think I'm there.  I am not fantasizing about what sort of take-out I can have for dinner, I'm looking forward to my yummy lunch and I am beyond ready to see that scale move down.  Thanks for sticking with me over the last few weeks!

My town is having a 5k in September and I'm very tempted to sign up.  It just scares me.  I know I will walk the whole thing, my biggest fear is coming in dead last.  It says that walkers are welcome but they will not be timed like the runners.  I don't know.  It's $15 to sign up before September 1st.  I want to do something like this, maybe it's what my confidence needs.

I think I have been random enough for this Monday morning.  I hope everyone has a good week!

Just Call Me Draz & Other Things

So it wasn't a great eating weekend, not as bad as what I've been eating recently so it's a small improvement.  

It was a good weekend though.  Yesterday I went to a new place to get my hair cut and I decided to get some feathers in my hair a la Drazil.  I have been coveting the feathers ever since she posted them back in June.  I went for it!  I was a little apprehensive only because I do work for a bank and I don't want to do anything crazy to get me spoken too but I think I picked ones that were nice and subtle.

What do you think?

I seriously love them.  They bring that touch of fun I need to my daily life.  

I have packed my food for tomorrow.  I have everything planned out and I'm posting my plan so I can hold myself accountable.

*Breakfast: 1/2 cup Kashi Go Lean & Mango Greek Yogurt

*AM Snack: 1/2 cup of low fat chive cottage cheese and 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds

*Lunch: Mini Goat Cheese Salad from Whole Foods, Sesame Tofu and 1/4 cup of Cherries

*Extra Food: 100 calorie pack of dry roasted almonds / chocolate coconut luna bar

Dinner: Rosemary Mint Lamb Kebobs - going to have 4oz, we bought 2 skewers so I am guessing there is more than 4oz on each.  Gotta love leftovers.  Probably going to have the butternut squash souffle with that.  Not 100% sure.

Even being 2 years out from surgery, I have this fear that I'm going to starve at work.  I don't know what it is.  I do it when I order lunch/dinner/go out to eat/in Disney...basically wherever I am I always over order or over pack because I am afraid I will starve.  I mean...I'm not going to die or anything.  I don't know why I have this irrational fear but I really wish it would go away.  But there is something that makes it impossible for me to not pack that "extra" food.  I am sure I won't eat the almonds tomorrow and most likely not the luna bar either but I like knowing they are in my desk drawer.  I also emptied out my wallet of all coins and paper money so I have no temptation to use the snack machine at work.  I really want to lose this weight, I am sick of being my own worst enemy.  

I forgot to weigh in this morning, totally slipped my mind.  Probably didn't remember because I do not want to see the number.   My period still hasn't arrived.  It's been over 6 weeks and I feel like this huge bloated mess.  I know that isn't helping me wanting to eat everything in sight or the bloated feeling I have.  I'm sick of my body being out of whack.  Anyways, the point of this is that this week is going to be kick ass and I'm going to lose some weight and I'm going to put some money in my Disney Jar and I am going to kick weight loss butt...oh and I'm going to get my fill on Wednesday.

WOO HOO!!  It's gonna be a good week!!