Tomrorrow = New Routine

Well, I haven't really gotten back on track this week.  I'm disappointed in myself as I seem to think I can eat anything I want and not have any consequences. 

I am seeing tomorrow as a fresh start.  it's the first full day of my vacation and I'm going to get myself back on track and into a better routine. 

I have a goal of 1,000 minutes of exercise by the time I go to my nutritionist appointment on May 12.

 

Totally acheivable.  1000 minutes equals about 16.5 hours in 13 days.  I hope to acheive way over 1,000 minutes, stay tuned.

I really think with all the changes with jobs, working hours, and life in general I just need to really focus on establishing a new routine to make my weight loss succesful. 

I've also ordered a Body Bugg to help me with calories in/out.  I've been wanting one for months and if it helps motivate me it will be well worth the investment.  It should be here on Sunday according to the shipping estimate. 

I need to stop whining and moaning about my little weight loss and get back to working hard.
I can do this!!

Calories & Cycles

The Banders have spoken and I have listened.  Thank you all for your awesome advice and wake up call.

I think you all are right.  I think the 1200 calories for me right now is just too hard.  I start to obsess over how little I eat and just sabotage myself at night.

For the next few days I am going to eat 1500 calories.  As long as that goes well then on Monday May 2, I will move down to 1450 calories.  Depending on how it goes I may move down to 1400.  Whatever I choose for my new calorie goal I will do that for a week and then move down again on Monday May 9.  I want to eventually work myself back down to 1200 calories so it will take a few weeks depending if I move down in 50 or 100 calorie increments.   With that being said, if I reach another calorie number that works better for me then I am not going to beat myself up.  Losing weight is the goal here and I want to make it attainable. 

I believe this is the right choice for me.  I need to get myself back on track slowly and not so drastically.  Yesterday was a better day calorie wise, still not great.  I did end up having a Roast Beef sub for dinner but I didn’t eat it all and I’m okay with that. 

I got up off my butt during my lunch break yesterday and took a 13 minute walk.  According to my calorie watch I burnt 111 calories. 

Did I tell you all that Marc & I bought bikes this past weekend?  I can’t remember.  Anyways, last night Marc had finished eating dinner and I wasn’t quite done but was full so I suggested we go out for a bike ride and I would just finish my dinner when we got back.  We rode for about 30 minutes.  The bikes we have don’t have gears so it’s just one speed and the hills are a killer!  I had to walk up two hills last night because with my lungs from the pneumonia, I just couldn’t ride up them.  I think once I recover a bit more the hills will be easier.  I was bummed out because I forgot to put on my calorie watch so I had to use the calories burnt estimation on myfitnesspal.com which said 400 calories for a 30 minute bike ride but I don’t think that is right.  Oh well.  I hope to go for another ride tonight if the weather holds up so I will try to remember my calorie watch so I have a better idea. 

The best news about our bike ride last night?  By the time we got back I was no longer wanted to finish eating my dinner.  Yay!!

I have also decided to stop focusing on reached 309 and 299lbs.  They are messing with my mind.  I’m just focusing on reaching 296 by May 12 which is my next nutritionist appointment.  I think that with being so close to reaching 100lbs lost and the 200’s is just messing with my brain.  I need to stop thinking about those numbers, doing so just makes me sabotage myself and I’m sick of it. 

Tomorrow I am going to post my exercise goals for my vacation that starts at exactly 4:30PM on Friday.  Not that I’m excited or anything…hehehe!

Stop the Insanity!

I promised myself I would always be honest on my blog.  This post is VERY hard for me to write because I was so flipping awful with my eating yesterday.

I did awesome throughout my day at work.  Just ate what I brought, I had a higher calorie lunch but we had planned on a lower calorie dinner so it would all equal out.  Yeah, the best laid plans and all that.  I even resisted the snack machine which has been very hard for me lately.

By the time I got home last night I was so starving and no wonder since I’ve been on calorie overload for the last week.  I did not want to eat my low calorie sea scallops anymore.  I was dreaming about roast beef subs and mozzarella sticks.  Marc got home and I told him my dilemma.  He suggested we cook the sea scallops and take them for lunch the next day and we could have turkey hot dogs which would be more satisfying to me.  Of course we had Crispy Crowns as well.  Which are delicious but I probably should have skipped them. 

While Marc was cooking dinner I ate 10z of tortilla chips.

Then I finished the bag, probably another 2oz of tortilla chips.

Then I ate one scallop.

Then I ate dinner.

Then Marc went out and bought ice cream. 

While he was out I ate 2 servings of Trader Joe’s Worlds Puffiest.

Then I ate an ENTIRE container of Ben & Jerry’s Everything But The ice cream. 

Oy to the vey.

I’m disgusted with myself.  I ate 1700 calories over my 1200.  PUKE.

The scale was down .9lbs so that just goes to show how crazy with the calories I have been the last few weeks. 

I need to stop the insanity.  I really truly do. 

We are trying a new recipe tonight from Hungry Girl, a quesadilla veggie burger which is a spin-off from Applebee’s Quesadilla burger.   We are also trying their baked onion rings recipe.  I think it will be good for us to try some new recipes.  We need to spice up our food that we cook at home and not eat the same boring things all the time. 

Today will be a better day.  I’ve already put in all my calories for today and I’m at 1272 for the day.  I’m okay with going a little over, just not 1700 calories over.  That is with no snack after dinner though and that is my toughest time of day, I am just going to have to be strong.

I can be strong.

No More Excuses!

My new #1 goal in this weight loss journey is to stop letting little things derail my weight loss progress.  I need to stop justifying the comfort eating, lack of exercise, whatever it is that I justify when obstacles occur in my weight loss goals. 

No more excuses!

I think after over 18 months of this happening every few weeks I’m finally sick and tired of the wasted time that I allow myself to slip in my goals of eating and exercise.  No more of this crap.  I’m not letting myself do it anymore.  I’m just not. 

This month has been a complete waste in the weight loss department. I started the month off so well.  In the three times I went to the gym in the first week, I worked out for 197 minutes, which is great for me!!  Yet I haven’t worked out since.  First I was busy with Marc’s party and then I had the sinus infection and then the pneumonia, now I know the pneumonia is a legitimate excuse not to work out but my eating has been AWFUL.  I was back up to 318.3lbs this morning.  I have been comforting myself with eating and I need to stop justifying the bad eating just because I wasn’t feeling well.  I could have indulged in some comfort food, but not for every meal and not take-out pretty much every dinner last week! 

I am back on the wagon today.  I changed my ticker to reflect the weight gain.  I am going to make some promises to myself so that I can help myself stay on track.

• Update weight loss ticker everyday
• Blog at least every other day to report progress
• Slowly introduce exercise this week
• Stick to 1200 calories everyday
• Weigh 296lbs by Thursday May 12^th

Marc & I bought bikes this weekend.  I’m really excited to start riding.  I have to take the exercise slow this week per my doctor to let myself recover some more.  I’m going to listen to that advice as starting on Saturday I’m on vacation from work for two weeks and I want to amp up my exercise for those two weeks so I can have a shot at meeting my Memorial Day weight loss goal of 288lbs.  So tonight is going to be a sedate bike ride around our neighborhood, hopefully I can stay upright and not fall!

I have 17 days until I meet with my nutritionist and at my last appointment I told her I would weight 296lbs next time I saw her.  17 days to lose 22lbs.  I don't know if it's going to happen but I'm going to try like hell to meet it. 

So I am Mrs. Determined to Kick Weight Loss Butt once again. 

How do you like my new blog layout??  Can you read everything okay??

It wasn't in my head

Well ladies....I have pneumonia.

Can you believe that?  I knew something was wrong with me even though I couldn't put my finger on it.  I'm just glad I went to the doctor this morning.  I just got a call about 30 minutes ago saying that my chest xray did show signs of pneumonia.  

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH.   

I can't believe it.  Especially this week when I start my new position.  Everyone has been very understanding but still I feel so guilty.  

Oh well.  I'm turning my brain off and going to try to get some rest.

New Position and a Sickness

I start my new position today.  Which I'd normally be very excited about BUT I have a raging sickness.  Mostly in my chest.  I pretty much laid around on the couch all day yesterday and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm starting my new position today I would be laying in bed right now.

I did not get to the gym this weekend, Saturday I was lazy, yesterday I felt awful.  The scale did go down though.  I will take it, it's a start!

Happy Monday Everyone!

Bullet Time

This is going to be a random update.  I have lots on my mind.

• If you are following me and I am not following you, please leave the link to your blog in the comments.  I've noticed that I'm not following all of my followers and I want to make sure that I am following those of you who support me. 
• No matter what the scale reads tomorrow I am updating my tickers.  I need to be honest on my blog and I have put on about 5lbs since last week.  Oy.
• I am going to the gym tomorrow AND Sunday.  I am forcing myself to go, that is the only way I am going to get back into my gym routine.
• My eating hasn't been great this week and it's been nice not to have to count calories, obviously it's not working for me since I put on the 5lbs.  Tomorrow I am going to be a counting and logging calorie fool again.
• I'm going to be changing my rewards.  There are different things I want that are going to motivate me more.
• It's official that Marc no longer has his part time job.  It's freaking me out to lose that income but I'm trying to just be very frugal and cut corners.  For instance, I really wanted to buy Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows DVD tonight since I never got to the theater to watch it but I might put that off this week and maybe rent it from the library even though it kills me.  SIGH.
• It truly amazes me how just not counting calories and not being as vigilant as I usually am equals a 5lb GAIN.  That is just nuts.  NUTS, I tell you. 
• Today is my last day at my old position.  I am just ready for this day to be over.  I'm so ready for the new position on Monday.  New position = New routine = Great weight loss.  Or so it goes in my head. 
• I am so very ready for this weekend.  I can't wait to relax, get organized and re-dedicate myself to this weight loss journey.

C is for Changes

So I'm still not in a great place mentally.  To be quite honest, I am mentally exhausted.  I am so sick of thinking, worrying and problem solving that my brain is going on strike. 

Donna Martin Graduates!

Donna Martin Graduates!

Whoops, wrong type of strike.

I haven't been eating awful like I did pre-band but I'm not eating all that great either.  I'm in that vicious cycle of eating bad, beating myself up and then eating bad to cope with feeling like an awful human being.  I need to cut the crap and get back to basics. 

But like any true procrastinator, I'm waiting until this week is over.  I just need to get through this week at work.  I don't know if any of you have ever switched positions within the same company but it's awkward.  I don't like it.  It's so weird to talk about your new position while you are still sitting at your old desk, talking about how excited you are about the new job to the people you are leaving.  Again, I don't like it.

Thank you for all of your sweet advice from my blog yesterday.  It brought tears to my eyes, which just goes to show what an emotional mess I am this week.  I am very much a creature of habit and routine and it's been all thrown off with the job changes, schedule changes and just CHANGES.

I'm going to get my butt in gear this weekend.  I am promising MYSELF that I will go to they gym at least one day this weekend and I will map out what days I'm going next week.  I think with my new job starting on Monday it is a perfect time to get myself into a new routine of gym, cooking meals and all that fun stuff. 

I can do this.

I will do this.

I just need a few more days to breathe and regroup. 

I'm going to allow myself these next few days and not feel guilty.

Ready.

Set.

RELAX.

Argh. Blah. Ugh.

I am oh so frustrated with myself.  I am letting stress and anxiety ruin my eating and exercising habits. 

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I know where the stress and anxiety is coming from.

*Marc started his new job today

*Marc's part time job is unhappy with new availability so that probably means we are going to lose his part time income

*I start my new position with my company on Monday

*Our bills are piling up, we spent a lot more money than planned on Marc's party and now we have to buckle down and get back on track

*Losing the weight so we can start trying for baby

Those are the biggest factors and I'm letting it ruin all my progress.  I totally binged last night while Marc was at his part time job.  I'm disgusted with myself and I actually made myself physically sick with how much I ate. 

I weighed in at 315.7lbs this morning.  That is 4.6lbs up from my lowest last week.  And to be honest I was up to 318.something this weekend with all the junky food I ate from the party. 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I need to get out of my head, stop the negative talk and get positive again.

I haven't been to the gym in a week and all I want to eat is carbs, carbs and CARBS.

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I need to get back in the game and stop being a whiny mess.

I want to meet my 900 minutes of exercise goal for April. 

I want to reach 100lbs lost.

I want to be under 300lbs.

I want to start trying for a baby.

I must get in the right frame of mind so that I can meet this goals and stop sabotaging myself.

Almost Party Time!!

I think I look pretty darn good!!

Last Day to Enter Address Label Giveaway!!

This is the last time I will be blogging about this as the giveaway ends today!!

Super easy to enter!!  

And BONUS for all my Band Sweet Band followers.  If you follow me at Band Sweet Band I will give you an extra entry and you don't have to follow Simple Sweetness!!

You could win these awesome address labels!!

Who doesn't love free stuff!!

Click here to enter!!

Busy Busy

Hey Everyone!  Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days.  Tomorrow is Marc's big 30th Birthday party so I have been super busy getting everything ready for that.

Hopefully on Sunday I will have lots of pictures to share with everyone!!

No!

I do not not not not not want to go to the gym today.

No reason why I can't go, I just don't want too.

I want to stomp my feet, scrunch up my face and cross my arms.  I don't even want to hear why I should go to the gym.

I just don't want too.

No No No No No!

Weekend Recap, Awesome Workout, Goals & Brag

I had a pretty good weekend, I did succumb to Longhorn Steakhouse again and even though it was way over my 1200 calories for the day, it was delicious and I didn't eat much else that day so I can live with that.  I'm still dreaming about their tasty french fries and hope I can stay away from them for awhile.

I had an AWESOME workout yesterday of 100 minutes!  My watch said I burnt over 1700 calories, I don't know how accurate that is but it makes me feel so good so we will go with it.  This is the longest I've ever worked out at the gym.  I did 32 minutes on the elliptical which equaled 2 miles and then I did 3 miles on the track for the rest of the time.  My first mile on the elliptical was 13:50 so I shaved off about 10 seconds and then my first mile around the track was 18:21.  I was proud of both of those times.  I like to push myself really hard for the first mile and then I take it a bit easier, it works for me.

With all of my stress/decision making eating last week, the scale has been yo-yo-ing from 311 to 314.  This morning I was 312.9lbs and tomorrow I hope to be back at 311-something.  There has been one other big change in my life...I withdrew from school.  With my new position at work and school pushing back my class restarts dates and having to squeeze in my internship, well it just wasn't working for me.  It wasn't an easy deicison but I don't regret my decision and I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I actually slept a lot more than I normally do this weekend and I think it's because a lot of stress and tension has left my life.  I'm ready to focus even more on my health and weight loss and hopefully start trying for a baby very soon.

With all these changes, new job, no school and all that jazz, I have made new goals for myself!

By goals, I mean rewards when I acheive certain milestones.  I'm giving myself dates as well because I do better when I have a deadline.

*309lbs (100lbs lost) - April 7, 2011

Reward: Pair of Teva Mush Flip Flops

*299lbs - May 1, 2011

Reward: New Outfit

*288lbs - May 30, 2011 (Memorial Day)

Reward: Bathing Suit & Off Birth Control Pills!

*270lbs - July 1, 2011

Reward: Spa Day with Mom

*259.4lbs - August 26, 2011 (150lbs lost!)

2 Year Bandiversary

Reward: Pictures with Marc @ the park we were married

Ultimate ULTIMATE Weight Loss Goal: 189.4lbs - August 26, 2012

3 Year Bandiversary

By my calculations, I have approx. 20 weeks to lost 53.5lbs.  Which roughly equals 2.6lbs a week.  I can totally do that if I stick to my guns.  I really really want to be 150lbs down from my highest weight by my 2 year band anniversary.  Once I hit that goal then I'm going to do another list of goals that will get me to 189.4lbs by 8/26/12 aka almost my 30th Birthday.  Of course, we shall see how this all works when I have a baby but I do have faith in myself to reach these goals.

It's totally crazy for me to even believe I can reach under 200lbs but I do believe it and I know that I will achieve that amazing feat.

Now for the bragging.  I am happy to report that Marc reached under 300lbs yesterday!  Not only did he reach under, he blasted it by getting to 298.1lbs!!  I am so very proud of him, yes a little jealous but honestly I am relieved that he has hit it so I can stop thinking about him hitting it before me and I can focus on myself.  Marc told me that he hasn't been under 300lbs since before he started high school!

Congrats Husband!

Quick Post - Giveaway on Simple Sweetness!

I know I've mentioned that I have a second blog called Simple Sweetness.

I just wanted to let all my Bloggy Friends on this blog that I'm doing my 1st Ever Giveaway on Simple Sweetness and it's super easy to enter. 

Simple Sweetness Giveaway

I teamed up with the awesome Michelle at Tipsy Graphics to giveaway free address labels.  

Aren't they pretty?

Michelle also designed Marc's Birthday invite for me, just wanted to show another sample of her work.

I just love this invite, it's so cute and I've gotten tons of comments.

So head on over if you want to enter!

No pressure of course but I love all you ladies and want to offer you up free stuff too.

Stupid Self.

First off, I got the new job!!!  Yayayayayaya!  I am very excited and I will start my new position on April 18th.  I think this is going to be a positive change for me, I think it will be less stressful and in a lower key environment which I desperately need.  Yay!

So for a week I did great on logging my food, accounting for every little morsel that went into my mouth.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still logging but it started to go downhill on Wednesday with the Reese Pieces, then yesterday with a package of Twizzlers (240 calories, ridiculous!) and then take-out last night at Longhorn Steakhouse to the tune of 2,420 calories JUST FOR DINNER.  *Puke*

I am back on the wagon today.  I think my biggest problem is the carb intake and I know that is a hot topic in blog land right now with lots of people trying Atkins, it makes me want to try it again but I am very nasty person without carbs.  It's downright scary.  I think I'm going to really focus on staying at the 120 carbs a day that my nutritionist suggested.

My biggest challenge this weekend is going to be avoiding candy.  I have a gigantic craving for it.  I want those delicious Haribo Raspberry candies.  Mmmmmm.  I love them and they sell them at Target.  I look at them everytime I go.  Sigh.  Part of me just wants to work them into my calories this weekend and get the craving out of my system, the other part says to keep resisting.  Only time will tell.

I'm just frustrated with myself, I was 2.2lbs away from losing 100lbs this week and today I'm back up to 314.4lbs which means I'm exactly 5lbs away from 100lbs lost.  I really want to reach that milestone by next Thursday at my next appointment with my nutritionist. 

The plan was to go to the gym today but up here in New England we are experiencing SNOW.  Yep, on freaking April 1st.  It is so unfair.  It depends how the weather is when I get out of work at 2PM.  If stays this way then I should be able to get there no problem.  I just have to wait and see.

I've been working on a list of long term goals for myself and I'm going to finish fine tuning them and share them with this weekend.  Even with the dismal few days I've had eating, for the first time since my surgery, I actually feel like I can get under 200lbs.  It's a very empowering feeling and I can't wait to actually reach my ultimate weight goal.

Happy Friday Everyone!