Yesterday was a rough day mentally. My nutritionist appointment went awesome, like always she makes me feel like I am making progress in my weight loss and my mental state concerning food.
I saw a loss on their scale - 317.4lbs, only a .4lb loss but I will take it. I haven't been eating right in the last few weeks so any loss is a good loss.
Then it went downhill. I went to see my old therapist. While she is helpful in some areas, I have decided after sleeping on it that she is not helpful for me right now in my weight loss battle.
First off, she told me I should join Weight Watchers. Umm, no. I have the band so I wouldn't have to do programs like that again. Weight Watchers has never helped me in the past and it's not going to help me now.
She also said that I self-sabotage, fair enough. I know I do that and that is why I'm there. She then proceeded to tell me that I hate myself and I don't know if I hate myself, I don't feel like I hate myself but I do have this thing where if I can do something perfectly I don't want to do it at all.
She seems to think I had this traumatic thing happen in my childhood and she likes to blame my parents for my weight/low self-esteem/etc. I don't think that is fair. Yes, I picked up unhealthy eating habits from my parents but me weighing over 400lbs is not their fault and it really pisses me off that she insinuates that my parents are bad. My parents are the most supportive people Marc & I have in regards to our weight loss. I can't tell you how many times I have called my Mom when I'm driving home and I know I want to stop and get fast food or take-out and she talks to me until I get home. That is support AND that is just ONE example.
I was a miserable mess last night when I got out. I picked Marc up at work and then of course I stopped for take-out on the way home. Roast Beef Sub and Mozzarella Sticks soothed me last night. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I did it anyway. I also didn't pack my lunch last night. Normally if I don't pack my lunch that means I'm stopping somewhere on my way to work to pick up chips, candy, etc to make it through the work day....
....but I had a breakthrough this morning. I had to be at work early this morning to make up time from yesterday, I knew I didn't have time to walk but I got up and I went to the kitchen and packed my lunch. That is a small step in the right direction for me. I don't feel guilty about last night. I had one higher than I should calorie meal and I'm letting it go and not letting it detract from my ultimate goal.
I think the biggest thing that annoyed me about my therapist yesterday was that she seemed to think my 100lbs wasn't good enough or it wasn't anything to be proud of. I have worked my ass off the last two years to lose 102lbs and I am PROUD of myself and I know myself much better than I used too. I am the first to admit that I still have 100+lbs to lose but I know I will get there.
I called my nutritionist this morning (I really need a code name for her) and vented and she made realize that this therapist may not be the best thing for me right now. I have a therapy appointment next Wednesday but I think I'm going to cancel it. My therapist wants me to have a voice and I think I'm finally finding mine.
6 comments:
I agree that she is not the therapist for you. Her job should have been to make you feel better or to help you find ways to cope with your issues. Not to make you feel worse than you did when you walked through the door.
Good for you for getting up and making that lunch this morning. That is just the first step to many more successes.
Start the search for a new therapist.
Yes, I agree. I think it's time to start looking for a new therapist. Therapy can be hard work, but you should never leave feeling like that.
Wow...definitely doesn't sound like this therapist is for you. But I do hope you'll continue to look for a new one. I think counselling may be really helpful.
Totally agree to not go to that therapist again! She sounds more damaging than helpful.
I am with you! That lady does not seem like a help AT ALL! Our parents although I am sure in some cases do damage to us...but they are not the root of all evil! I can't stand people who allow that to be there only scape goat. Exceptions are exceptions of course. But we are our own people and we fall. There is not always a reason!
Kick her to the curb!
So proud of you for recognizing that this woman is not for you. If you hadn't found your voice you might still be going to her and enduring her cruelty. No bueno.
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