Pulling Myself Back Up

You can tell when I’m struggling when I haven’t blogged for a few days. 

Boo.  Hiss.

This is me, picking myself up out of the darkness of no motivation and feelings of self-loathing. 

Why do I do so well for almost two weeks and then I hit rock bottom?  Well normally, I have no idea but this time around I did a little digging around in my brain and this is what I came up with.

Thursday was the day it all started.  I had my appointment with my nutritionist which went extremely well.  I lost 7lbs on their scale since I had seen her on May 2^nd.  Yay me!  Well anyways, that wasn’t why.  Marc sent me a text about what we were having for dinner and in it he said “I want to be bad”.

OY!  I let that “bad” food thing get to me again.  HUGE mistake.  So for all of Thursday I was aware of my calories but I didn’t log what I ate and ordered whatever I wanted for dinner not thinking or caring about the calories.

Then comes along Friday.  I have feelings of hopelessness of never reaching less than 300lbs so we can start trying for a baby, feelings of not wanting to go back to work, just a sad sad sad day for me.  You know what that means, right?  Oh who cares what I eat!  I didn’t go completely overboard with my eating but I could have done way better.

Saturday.  Oh Saturday.  I went off the deep end on Saturday.  Large sub, potato chips, mozzarella sticks, candy and to top it off ice cream. 

So what did I learn from this three day detour? 

#1.  No more “bad” dinners.  I don’t even want to hear the term “bad food”.  I can eat whatever I want if it fits into my daily calories.  If it doesn’t fit, I can’t eat it.  No food is bad, I just need to make it work with my calories.

#2.  Normally these “benders” go on for about two weeks.  I’m proud of myself that I pulled myself out of the hole after three days. 

#3.  I am not going to reach 288lbs by Memorial Day.  I’ve known this for awhile now, the month of April with pneumonia really threw me off track.  My new goal I am focusing on is to be under 300lbs by June 1^st.  That’s a little over two weeks.  I’m going to try my hardest and be proud of how close I get. 

#4.  I really want to work part-time or stay at home full-time.  I think I was meant to be a housewife.  Truly.  These last two weeks have been so great.  I have had time to exercise, time to organize my house, cooking dinner most nights.  I just love it.  I’m not saying staying at home is always roses but I think that is what I want.  I need to focus on our finances so I can make this happen in the next year or so.  That means a lot of sacrifices and I think we can do it. 

#5.  I might not wait to start trying for baby.  I do want to be under 300lbs before we start trying but the 288lbs was my own goal to give me some wiggle room so that I’d be comfortably under the Hospital rules of being under 300lbs to deliver there.  I’m not exactly sure when we will start trying but the 288lbs is putting too much pressure on me and that just sabotages me in the long run. 

I feel like I have gotten my determination back after the last few days.  I bounced right out of bed this morning when Marc’s alarm went off at 5:35am and went out exercising.  38 minutes of walking.  I was quite proud that I was able to get myself motivated on my first day back to work after vacation. 

I’m going to continue having an exercise minutes goal too.  The minutes goal seems to work well for me.  My goal this week is 300 minutes.  My weeks will go Saturday - Friday so I can't use the excuse during the week to not exercise since I still have the weekend to get my minutes in.  See, I'm learning what tricks I need to use to keep myself on track.

Today I have lower calorie meals and a few more snacks than I normally eat because I knew today would be one of those days where I like to snack.

Does anyone else "trick" themselves so that they are more successful?  If so, what do you do?

Also, I'm looking for some inspirational quotes.  Got any favorites you would like to share?