Today has been a much better day so far.
The scale was down TWO lbs exactly for a weight of 314.4lbs. Yayayaya!
I only have 58 more minutes until I meet my 1,000 minutes of exercise goal. I'm thinking I'm going to go for a walk tonight with Marc so that he can be with me when I hit that 1,000 minutes goal.
I started a journal yesterday, I think it will help me to write my frustrations/happiness/etc and then let them go when I'm having bad days like yesterday. It helped yesterday at least.
For the sake of shaking things up, later tonight after I've finished eating for the day I'm going to post pictures of everything I eat today. It helps to keep me accountable of my food choices, getting over my "secret" eating of "bad" foods and maybe it will give other banders some meal ideas.
Recently, I have gotten back into my secret eating, especially when Marc is not home and when I think it's a "bad" food I shouldn't be eating. I talked over these feelings with my nutritionist last week. I told her that sometimes when I'm thinking of eating something "bad" like chips or candy or ice cream, I feel like I'm going to turn the corner in the grocery store and run into her or my surgeon and they are going to yell at me. LOL. Isn't that crazy? I'm the type of person who has to follow the rules, I get panicky if someone is breaking a rule, like walking on the wrong side of the road, picking flowers in a national park, you get the idea. So when I think that I'm eating "bad" food I get the feelings of guilt which in the long wrong just sabotages me.
So basically my nutritionist gave me "permission" to eat the bad foods. She said eat whatever you want as long as it fits in my 1500 calories. She also thought 1500 calories was better for me because with that amount I can get more variety of foods which is needed on those days that I'm struggling. So while I've been on vacation I have eaten those former "bad" foods and haven't felt guilty about them. I've worked them into my calories and moved on from the guilty feelings. Hopefully I can keep this up when I go back to work next week. Allowing myself a serving of fat free pringles actually helps me from craving a whole bag of some other type of chip. Having a Weight Watchers ice cream treat at the end of the day no longer leaves me feeling like a failure.
I think I was getting too caught up in the "Bander" rules from my clinic regarding ounces of protein, no carbs and such. Those rules don't always work for me. I love my carbs. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. It's not realistic that I'm never going to eat cheeseburgers again. I just need to learn to work them into my daily calorie allotments. I'm not saying that this type of eating works for all Banders, I'm just saying it seems to be working for me and I don't need those extra feelings of guilt. It's a relief for them to be gone. The fact that I had a can of fat free pringles in my house for days and just ate a serving at a time is a huge accomplishment for me. When I think of food in terms of good vs. bad, I want that bad food gone even if it means eating 1000 calories worth of chips in one night. I seem to have more control when I give myself permission to eat what I want as long as it fits in my calories.
Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox.
4 comments:
I am still at total secret eater. Did you read my post where I lied to Heather about my oreo and felt so bad I had to confess. She cleaned my car out the other day and found all my candy wrappers which I like to stuff in nooks and crannies. Can I shift the blame? I know I shouldnt be eating secretly BUT, when people shame you or give you crap for eating like crap...it makes you want to keep it a secret ya know? Like if I knew I wasn't going to get "the look" when I eat a candy bar...maybe I wouldnt eat it in secret. But maybe it doesnt have anything to do with others judging me...maybe I am judging myself.
good post.
I love the cartoon. I am a bit of a secret eater as well. In fact, when I moved out of my parents house and into my own is when I did the bulk of my weight gaining. And now with the band, I'll go and get gummi worms and cookies on a bad day and my mother will call to check up on my eating and I'll just tell her what I had for breakfast/lunch/dinner BUT NOT IN between. I feel so awful!!!
Secret eating was one of my worst food issues pre-band. I'm so concerned about going back to secret eating that I confess EVERYTHING. I went and got a couple bite size candies at a coworkers desk a bit ago and she isn't in today, so I had to go to different coworker and tell her I got the two candies so it didn't feel like I'm hiding.
Lordy, I think I just realized that might be just as bad. Ha!
Amy - I have a super hard time at work with secret eating. If I think it's a "bad" food like a candy bar or something, I sneak it to my desk and in super stealth mode throw in my desk drawer before anyone sees it. Then I try to eat it when co-workers around me are on lunch or not paying attention to me and if they do come to my desk while I"m eating it I feel like I've been busted. I hate that feeling, I really hope that I can overcome this secret eating thing.
KMR - Oh I do that with my Mom sometimes too not as much now though, I just try to be honest but it's so hard to break those old habits.
Beth Ann - LOL, maybe you have secret eating in reverse now. Hehehe.
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