Just Call Me Draz & Other Things

So it wasn't a great eating weekend, not as bad as what I've been eating recently so it's a small improvement.  

It was a good weekend though.  Yesterday I went to a new place to get my hair cut and I decided to get some feathers in my hair a la Drazil.  I have been coveting the feathers ever since she posted them back in June.  I went for it!  I was a little apprehensive only because I do work for a bank and I don't want to do anything crazy to get me spoken too but I think I picked ones that were nice and subtle.

What do you think?

I seriously love them.  They bring that touch of fun I need to my daily life.  

I have packed my food for tomorrow.  I have everything planned out and I'm posting my plan so I can hold myself accountable.

*Breakfast: 1/2 cup Kashi Go Lean & Mango Greek Yogurt

*AM Snack: 1/2 cup of low fat chive cottage cheese and 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds

*Lunch: Mini Goat Cheese Salad from Whole Foods, Sesame Tofu and 1/4 cup of Cherries

*Extra Food: 100 calorie pack of dry roasted almonds / chocolate coconut luna bar

Dinner: Rosemary Mint Lamb Kebobs - going to have 4oz, we bought 2 skewers so I am guessing there is more than 4oz on each.  Gotta love leftovers.  Probably going to have the butternut squash souffle with that.  Not 100% sure.

Even being 2 years out from surgery, I have this fear that I'm going to starve at work.  I don't know what it is.  I do it when I order lunch/dinner/go out to eat/in Disney...basically wherever I am I always over order or over pack because I am afraid I will starve.  I mean...I'm not going to die or anything.  I don't know why I have this irrational fear but I really wish it would go away.  But there is something that makes it impossible for me to not pack that "extra" food.  I am sure I won't eat the almonds tomorrow and most likely not the luna bar either but I like knowing they are in my desk drawer.  I also emptied out my wallet of all coins and paper money so I have no temptation to use the snack machine at work.  I really want to lose this weight, I am sick of being my own worst enemy.  

I forgot to weigh in this morning, totally slipped my mind.  Probably didn't remember because I do not want to see the number.   My period still hasn't arrived.  It's been over 6 weeks and I feel like this huge bloated mess.  I know that isn't helping me wanting to eat everything in sight or the bloated feeling I have.  I'm sick of my body being out of whack.  Anyways, the point of this is that this week is going to be kick ass and I'm going to lose some weight and I'm going to put some money in my Disney Jar and I am going to kick weight loss butt...oh and I'm going to get my fill on Wednesday.

WOO HOO!!  It's gonna be a good week!!

And...again.

I'm tired.

It's a rainy day here in Massachusetts and I just want to curl up in my cubicle and fall asleep.  I think management would frown upon that though.  I really don't have anything too exciting to say except that I'm still here and still struggling.

I'm trying really hard to get out of my weight loss rut.  I've decided that I need to elimnate some carbs to help my body get rid of it's sugar cravings. 

I have no luck with moderation and carbs so I think I need to just wipe them out of my system to re-boot.  I'm not going all extreme with Atkins or anything just going back to my clinic's nutritional plan.  I need to get back on the weight loss train! 

But I have said this all before, for weeks now so I just need to do it.  I don't know what the heck is my problem lately.  I think I have too much going on and just can't focus on anything so I just do a little here and there. 

Anyways...I'm done babbling.  This post didn't really accomplish anything but there you go.  LOL.

Bander Basics

I really need to get back to basics.  My eating is not where it should be for a bander.  Last night, I ate a large roast beef sub with an order of french fries.  I mean, I eat slowly but I ate it.  I don't know what it is about roast beef subs but they are like my crack the last few months. 

But enough of that.  Marc & I were talking about how we have gotten away from the basics, we looked for our binders from the clinic but couldn't find them.  I think I'm guilty of throwing them away in one of my cleaning frenzies.  Oops. 

From what we remember, we are to eat 4oz of protein at each meal and follow that up with 1/2 cup of veggies.  Our clinic is a fan of the no carb thing which is so hard for me to do.  I need to strike a better balance though.  I know my clinic also says about 1 cup of food should satisfy for 4 hours.  That has never been the case with me.  Honestly, I feel like my hunger is never satisfied even when I had almost 10ccs in my band.  I have to really put my mind working when I'm hungry so I don't overeat.  I still also have the problem where I need to feel like I'm eating a good amount of food or my brain feels deprived, notice I say my brain, it's not always my stomach.

What guidelines do you follow?

I also need some meal ideas, especially breakfast.  I've been eating greek yogurt lately and I'm wondering if that is too much of a slider food. 

I have my version of taco salad for lunch, 4oz of ground turkey with taco seasoning, shreddad cheese, black beans, taco sauce and sour cream.  Yum!  I know this is one of those very fill meals.  I am looking forward to it.  I need to start finding enjoyment in the food I eat, appreciating healthy ingredients, fresh fruit and veggies, you know?  I focus too much on what I shouldn't be eating instead of all the yummy stuff I can be eating.  Like the taco salad or even my lunch from yesterday, tuna with a goat cheese salad from Whole Foods.  Have you ever had that salad?  It's a small side salad, comes with fat free balsamic, goat cheese, mixed greens, dried cranberries and walnuts.  Let me tell you, it is highly satisfying and $2.50.  Well worth it!

I really need to start kicking butt again.  I did make an appointment for a fill, next Wednesday.  I'm a little nervous for it only because I don't want my restriction to be too much.   I think I'm just going to ask for a smaller fill and see how that treats me.

"What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

~ Napoleon Hill

New Challenge & Fill...?

I'm quitting the 5/50 Challenge and starting a new one.  I think with all the drama and bad news I've been having my heart is just not in the 5/50 Challenge anymore and I want to SUCCEED so I'm starting a new one.  You can just call me quitter.  :)

As you may know, I am huge fan of Disney.  Call me addicted, call me childish, call me what you want but Disney makes me happy.  I am going to theme this challenge to Marc & I's Disney trip in January which is in 173 days. 

I'm using my weigh in on Sunday to start this challenge, 331.7lbs.  My official weigh in day will be on Sundays.  I'm still going to take pictures each week and I haven't figured out an exercise goal yet but when I do I will post about it.  Marc isn't joining me on this challenge because he said "You are motivated, I automatically do better."  Okay then! 

My goal is to lose 60lbs before we leave on our trip on 1/15/12.

To help keep me motivated Marc has agreed to set aside $2 per lb that I lose for spending money on the trip.  If I hit the 60lbs lost before 2011 ends then I will get a $50 bonus.  That is a lot of monies!  I will get all that money for our trip to spend on whatever my little heart desires.  If I lose more than 60lbs then I will get $2 for those lbs too.

The catch is if I don't hit the 60lbs lost before our trip then Marc gets to have the money to spend on whatever he wants, he said he will torture me with a new techy gadget or something else that I think is completely frivolous.  Trust me, the thought motivates me.

Marc & I are doing a real budget trip for January and we are really keeping an eye on our expenses and right now we have nothing set aside for spending money.  We were just going to see how our finances are when we left.  I usually don't buy too much but I like having some money for purchases.  I'd really like to fit into some of the shirts they fit into the park, I have never bought one before and I want too!

So what am I calling this challenge?  I have my friend to thank for the title.

SupercalifragilisticLeslie'sThinadocious Disney Challenge.

I love it.  Mary Poppins is one of my all time favorite Disney movies so it is "practically perfect" in every way.

Thank you for all your supportive comments yesterday!  I am happy to report that I did NOT venture to the snack machine and made it home to eat a nice yummy dinner.  I was proud of myself and sometimes just having a really good day like that empowers me to make better choices and get back on track.  I was bad and weighed myself this morning and the scale has started to move back down.  I'm putting that darn scale away until Sunday now that I have the motivation back again.

I'm also debating on getting a teeny fill.  My hunger shouldn't have been as bad yesterday as it was, I know that my body is detoxing from the junk but I need to get back to bander basics and I think a fill might help me with that.  I just want a teeny one to start, like 1/2 cc or something like that.  I know I was too tight when I was unfilled (defilled? whatevs!) back in February and I don't want to go back to that too tight space, it is not fun.

For instance, for breakfast this morning at 8AM I had a lemon greek yogurt and 1/2 cup of Kashi GoLean Crunch and by 10:30 I was freaking starving.  I just ate my snack of chive cottage cheese (can't remember if it's a cup or 1/2 cup, I know it's the serving that is on the container) and a serving of sunflower seeds.  I think the greek yogurt and Kashi should have held me longer than 2 1/2 hours. 

I'm scared to get a fill after February and not being able to hold even water down.  What do you all think?

Gotein Giveaway Winner!

I'm a horrible blogger!  I totally forgot about picking a name for the Gotein giveaway on Friday.  Yikes!  I'm sorry everyone.  I blame everything that is going on in my crazy life.

I used random.org to generate a winner.  I put in #1 - 5 since I had 5 people enter and the winner was....

#2 Cat!

Please email me or I will email you!!

Thanks everyone for entering!!

Help!

I need encouraging comments STAT.

In my quest to eat less today I did not pack enough food for my work day.

I'm done eating everything and STARVING.  To top it off I am the only one in my department and my day has been sucktacular.



This is how my tongue feels!
*not my actual tongue, thank you google!


Instead of making my way to the snack machine with the coins jangling in my wallet I am posting in hopes that you will all tell me NOT to ruin the good progress I have made yesterday and today. 

Meaning no junk food, no sweets, no chocolate.  I am trying to detox and right now my little tastebuds are SCREAMING to be fed some sugar.

Help me!  I think we banders need a Banded Superhero to swoop in and help us in times like this.  They would have a superhero super belt with snacks like cheese sticks, almonds and protein bars! 

And....done!

So I decided to step up on the scale this morning for accountability reasons....BIG mistake.  Big in more ways than one.

331.7lbs

Ridiculous.  That is about 24lbs UP from my lowest weight.  I'm sad for myself because I have let stress and emotions rule me instead of focusing on my health goals.  

Well today it is stopping.  I need to detox my body and get back on track.  I'm just pissed off and not going to do this to myself anymore.  No more justification for eating poorly or not exercising.  I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and get this done.

I don't know if I can get under 300lbs before my Birthday but I am going to try like hell.

Moving on...

Marc & I went boating with my parents and brother this weekend in Maine.  It was awesome.  We went tubing again like we did last year and I did so much better getting up on the tube this time around.  I like seeing that progress.  Here are a few photos...

Marc & my brother's dog, Dylan

I am ready to kick some ass this week in weight loss, in the 5/50 challenge and I will NOT post another gain for the Back to Basics Challenge.