I'm so mad at myself this week. I've practically ruined all the progress I've made this month.
At least I know my cycle.
Stress + Overwhelmed = Tired + No willpower + thoughts of hopelessness = Me eating whatever I want and justifying it.
Boo.
Hiss.
Snarl.
I mean, I did this to myself. I need to recognize my stress and tired feelings so I can overcome them before I do the binge eating of bad things. It just breaks my heart that I slipped this week, on Tuesday I was at 328lbs and now I'm back up at 333.9lbs. So frustrating. I had met my monthly goal as of Tuesday and now I still need to lose 3.3lbs in order to meet it. I don't know if I can do that while on vacation. I am going to try but I don't know, I will just have to see what I weigh when I get back.
I was watching "I Used to be Fat" last night on MTV. It's a great show, it inspires me. I also related to the girl last night, she was struggling to lose the weight even though she was working out and her heartbreak just spoke to me because I have felt that way so many times. Of course I was watching while I ate mini-burgers from Chilis. I became so disgusted with myself that I threw the rest of my food out. Why do I do these stupid things to myself?
I also have come to the realization that I have programmed myself to reward myself with food which is so not helpful. Think about it....our whole society is like this.
Win the big game....let's go out for ice cream!
You aced the big test....let's go out for a celebratory dinner!
Valentine's Day.....Candy, Chocolate, a fancy dinner!
A big family gathering....lots of food!
Survived a bad day at work....ice cream after dinner!
If you are good in the store.....pick out some candy at check out!
I want to get rid of this mentality. I also don't want to pass it on to my children when I have them. I need to stop focusing on what I am "allowed" to eat and just eat. I need to stop focusing on what I can reward myself with if I do well on my diet and justify the ice cream or the take out.
Bottom line, I need to not care about food and just eat to survive. How do people do this?
4 comments:
Ugh. I hate when I feel like this. Last year was a really bad winter for me and it kept getting worse and worse. Although it wasn't food related, it was more "how can people just be happy." Why was it so hard for me?
Talking about it with various friend and even a counselor really helped me sort out my feelings. My insurance did cover the first 3 sessions, so that helped with the cost.
Just and idea and a virtual hug!
When you find the answer, please pass it on. I still find it difficult to not reward myself, and my kids, with food. Got a shot at the doctor? Ice cream will make it better! *sigh*
You are so right - the comment about rewarding a child with a treat b/c they were good in the store hit home with me. I do this with Henry! Thank you for the wake up call LL. Next time, if he's good in the store I'll let him pick out a toy or a sticker book at the dollar store.
Andrea - I have been thinking about finding a therapist again. I think it could help me get over this slump I've been in with my weight loss.
MandaPanda - I will tell you if I ever do.
Brook - I read about it in a magazine at the hair dresser about rewarding your kids and self with food and a lightbulb went off for me. It makes total sense now though and I have caught myself a few times trying to reward myself with food and I haven't when I realized it.
Post a Comment