Monday Night Dinner.

I've been trying really hard to eat smaller portions and really working my band to the fullest potential. So tonight I dusted off my apron and made dinner.

A little backstory....I hate cooking. Well, I like the idea of cooking but I get frustrated. Especially when my loving husband who loves to cook butts his nose in and tries to take over. I want to be a better cook and make more meals. In fact I made Christmas dinner for my family this year with my mom's help of course. It was delicious and has given me the confidence to keep on cooking.

Tonight I made a meal that I had at Disney that I thought I could duplicate.

Lemon Thyme Sea Scallops with a Mint Pea Puree.

I am happy to report that they were delicious and SUPER easy to make! I found a pea puree recipe online and I went to town. They turned out really well. Marc did help me a bit just with the timing but when he started to take over I made him back off and he understood. He gave the meal two thumbs up. I'd like to make them again and tweak the pea puree a bit and maybe even make a reduction sauce to drizzle on top. I think I might try again this weekend.

We also ventured into making ice cream tonight. PROTEIN ice cream to be exact. We were inspired to make this by The World According to Eggface's Blog. This link will take you directly to her protein ice cream facts, check her out, she has AWESOME recipes. We have tried quite a few and we love them. We made the Blueberry Cheesecake ice cream and it was super yummy, a little soupy but I think that is us learning how to use our new ice cream maker.

I'm nervous for weigh in tomorrow to see if I have met my January Mini-Goal. I really hope I have but it's the time of the month so I worry if that is going to sabotage me. Eeek!

Tomorrow I will declare my February Mini-Goals. Yes I said goals! I've got lots to do!!!

I'm baaaaaack!

I'm back from vacation. It was a good vacation but I was more than ready to come home. I have come to the decision that as much as I love Disney that I'm Disney-ed out for the time being. I'm just ready to focus on other things in my life at the moment.

Despite that, I'm happy that I went. One last hurrah before the big push to lose weight and starting to try for a baby this year.

The best news? When I came home I weighed......330.7lbs! I lost weight on vacation! Excellent!! I'm only .1 away from my January goal so I have two days to maintain this and then to move to my February Mini-Goal. I didn't eat the best yesterday so I hope to do better today. Must have will power.

I thought I would share a few pictures from my trip.

I think this is my favorite picture from the trip.

Super Secret Ninja Leslie

It was so cold out!!!

Having fun in line at Test Track.

Sea Scallops with a Mint Pea Puree.

This was so excellent, I'm going to attempt to recreate this dish at home.

Had to keep my toesies warm!

Bought at the Japan shop in Epcot. They were comfortable believe it or not.

The most comfortable chairs in the world at Boardwalk Inn.

I would love to have one of these in my living room.

My favorite Princess, Ariel.

I love this picture! My body looks good! I usually hate full body shots.

My favorite thing to eat at Disney.

Rosemary & Goat Cheese Polenta from the Hollywood Brown Derby.

My eating went okay at Disney. I get such anxiety eating in public at restaurants. A lot of the time I would take most of my food to go after eating a bit and finish eating in the hotel room later in the day. It worked.

I was amazed at how little I did eat though and I wasn't starving. I need to transfer that to home. Not worrying about eating and just eat when I'm hungry.

On Vacation!

Just a quick goodbye to blogland. I'm leaving for Disney tomorrow morning!

Yayayayaya!

I'm hoping to come home to a weight loss, we shall see how that goes!

Blah to the Blah.

I'm so mad at myself this week. I've practically ruined all the progress I've made this month.

At least I know my cycle.

Stress + Overwhelmed = Tired + No willpower + thoughts of hopelessness = Me eating whatever I want and justifying it.

Boo.

Hiss.

Snarl.

I mean, I did this to myself. I need to recognize my stress and tired feelings so I can overcome them before I do the binge eating of bad things. It just breaks my heart that I slipped this week, on Tuesday I was at 328lbs and now I'm back up at 333.9lbs. So frustrating. I had met my monthly goal as of Tuesday and now I still need to lose 3.3lbs in order to meet it. I don't know if I can do that while on vacation. I am going to try but I don't know, I will just have to see what I weigh when I get back.

I was watching "I Used to be Fat" last night on MTV. It's a great show, it inspires me. I also related to the girl last night, she was struggling to lose the weight even though she was working out and her heartbreak just spoke to me because I have felt that way so many times. Of course I was watching while I ate mini-burgers from Chilis. I became so disgusted with myself that I threw the rest of my food out. Why do I do these stupid things to myself?

I also have come to the realization that I have programmed myself to reward myself with food which is so not helpful. Think about it....our whole society is like this.

Win the big game....let's go out for ice cream!

You aced the big test....let's go out for a celebratory dinner!

Valentine's Day.....Candy, Chocolate, a fancy dinner!

A big family gathering....lots of food!

Survived a bad day at work....ice cream after dinner!

If you are good in the store.....pick out some candy at check out!

I want to get rid of this mentality. I also don't want to pass it on to my children when I have them. I need to stop focusing on what I am "allowed" to eat and just eat. I need to stop focusing on what I can reward myself with if I do well on my diet and justify the ice cream or the take out.

Bottom line, I need to not care about food and just eat to survive. How do people do this?

Monthly Mini-Goals

I know I shouldn't weigh myself everyday....I know I shouldn't yet I do because apparently I like to drive myself crazy.

I gained FOUR lbs this morning. FOUR! How is that even possible?! I didn't have a perfect day but it wasn't 4lbs bad either.

Argh. I'm just going to call it a fluke and ignore it.

Moving on....

I've decided to make monthly mini-goals. I'm going to do one for January because I have done well and I want to keep that motivation up through my vacation.

My mini-goal for January is 10lbs lost.



I'm almost there! In fact I was there yesterday but again...I'm ignoring that.

The reward for my acheiving my January mini-goal will be a $25 giftcard to babies r' us. I think that is a good reward because it is not food related and because it gives me a little savings towards when we have a baby. Good things all around. If I exceed the 10lbs lost, I will give myself a $5 bonus on my gift card.

My mini-goal for February is going to include an exercise goal as well. I am determined to get my butt moving.

I love the 80's.

I am so excited today! I have officially lost 80.6lbs according to my scale this morning. Yayayayaya! I was not expecting a loss this morning after I ate ice cream for lunch yesterday and had a snack attack of honey roasted peanuts and almonds before bed last night...but I did and I'm going to take it and be happy!

I'm not feeling great today. I think I'm coming down with another sinus infection. The whole month of December I was sick, first with the sinus infection then with a cold and then with a second cold. I do not want to be sick next week on vacation so I called the doctor and have an appointment tomorrow. I have always had problems with the draining in my ears so they need to help me find something that works on a consistent basis!

I did some research into finding a personal trainer in my area to help get me motivated with an exercise routine...man is that expensive! I can't believe how expensive it is. One place was $65 a session! That is a whole lot. I did find one place that comes to your house and helps you develop a 30 minute routine that can be done from your house. I might request more information on how much that costs. Something like that could really work for me. I need to stay focused on my goals so I continue to be successful. I still have A LOT of weight to lose.

I'm frustrated because even though I have lost 80lbs which is a great accomplishment, I still have way more to lose. I mean if I want to get to 185lbs which is my dream weight, that is 143lbs I still have to lose! That is insane. It makes me feel so hopeless. I know I'm not going to wait to have kids until I reach 185lbs so it just makes me feel like I will never ever reach my ultimate goal....very very depressing. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? Especially those of you who have a lot of weight to lose like me?

I'm toying with the idea of setting a monthly weight loss goal and having a ticker for that each month to help me stay focused on my smaller goals. Maybe each month have a different treat for reaching it. Hmmm...something to think about for sure.

On a happy note....5 days until my vacation!!

Weekend Wrapup

This weekend I made some good choices and not so good choices with food....but the scale is being good to me so I can live with that.

My band was very tight yesterday. I barely ate anything. (A few salt and vinegar almonds which are absolutely delicious by the way! Probably 1oz of chicken with a parmesean dip and a few black olives before I got sick, a few sips of a protein shake and 1/2 of a pepperoni/ricotta cup thingy.) I got sick while I was drinking a protein shake!

Saturday morning I woke up with a gurgling feeling in my band, you know that warning sign that means you are going to be sick? Yep, that's right. I was sick before I even ate anything! What is up with that? My conclusion after thinking about is that I was congested and had some mucus going on and that is what I was sick on. I'm taking a decongestant so hopefully that will help.

I made an executive decision to have some ice cream today as I would like to eat something. But I also made the decision that I will be eating the ice cream as a meal and not a dessert. That's progress. Usually there is nothing I like more than ice cream after dinner, not today. No siree bob, it's a meal!

6 days until I leave for Disney! I'm going to try to get a little bit of packing and organizing done today since I don't have to work. I'm a little worried about eating in Disney but honestly I know I will be able to find things if my band is on the tight side. I just have to be aware and order smart. I can do it!

I really, really should go to the gym today....