S l o w l y . . . .

Slowly but surely I am getting my groove back with counting calories, which is what seems to work for me best over portion size.  I mean with calorie counting I get portion size but it's not the main focus....if you get what I mean.  I know I can do this but I'm resisting stepping on the scale until Sunday which will be my official weigh in days.  I don't want to mess up my groove right now.  If I see a loss then I might justify some bad choices, if I don't see a loss than I will feel hopeless and turn to my old friend emotional eating.

I also wanted to share a link to my new blog "Violet Imperfection".  It's a craft/mama/recipe/little bit of everything blog.  Hope to see you there!

Go Team USA!

Feeling Hopeless

I can't get out of my own way.  I just don't know how to get back into the groove again.  My brain tells me I can do it because I did so well last year but for some reason it also tells me that I need to eat way more than what a portion size is and that ice cream should be a daily treat.

On the positive side I have walked the last two days, woo hoo!  I guess that is one small step in the right direction.

As of today I'm exactly 50lbs heavier than I was at my lowest last summer.  Sigh.  The thing that bothers me the most is that before we moved I was down another 20lbs.  I feel like I put on those 20lbs like an idiot.  Grrr.

I'll get back to where I was....right?

What I Will Gain

I was watching TV the other night and caught the the Kellog's commercial about weighing women in Times Square.  The premise of the commercial is that instead of focusing on the weight you have to lose is focus on all the things you have to gain by having a healthy lifestyle.

I love this concept.  Of course I loosely have an idea of things I will gain by continuing to lose weight but I have never written down these things.  I think having a list to look at will be very beneficial to me when I'm having a rough time or need more motivation.

• A long healthy life.
• Feeling good about the way I look
• Confidence
• Setting a good example for my daughter
• Energy
• Accomplishing the goals I set for myself
• Being able to get down on the floor and play with Violet without becoming winded or wondering how I am going to get up from the floor.
• A second healthier pregnancy (...maybe!)
• Stamina
• Looking in the mirror and smiling

These are the things just off the top of my head.  I think I'm going to continue thinking about all the things I have to gain and printing out the list for my fridge to always remind me not to focus on what I'm losing but what I'm gaining.

What do you have to gain by losing?

Happy 4th of July!

Remember Me?

Hi!  Remember me?  I am the lost blogger known as Leslie.

I have no excuses except I have been busy with Violet, moving and just adjusting to being a stay at home Mama.  Oh and I haven't been focused on weight loss one bit.

This isn't going to be one of those great big declaration posts on how I am ashamed of how I have done or how I am jumping back on the band wagon.  That doesn't work for me, been there done that.  I have had to focus on other things and that is just how life is sometimes.   I need to remember that this is a lifestyle and not a diet.  I'm getting there.

So here is the plan.  I'm going to commit to blogging at least once a week, that should get the ball rolling again.  I'm starting to feel bad again physically.  My stamina is gone and I want it back.  I know I can do this, I have done it before.  So you will be seeing more of me...that is if you are still following along.

For now, here is your Violet fix.  Aww, I just love this little girl so very much!

This and That

My eating has been pretty decent this week, I did have a touch of the flu so I had almost two days of no food so I am sure I will see a loss this week but we will see if it sticks around.

I went out for my first walk since breaking my foot and I didn't go very far and my foot was absolutely killing me by the time I got home.  I'm really depressed that my foot is still an issue.  I'm going back to physical therapy later this month but my orthopedic doctor has told me my foot will never been the same again.  So depressing as last summer I was walking about 3 miles in the mornings before work and I really enjoyed it.  I love walking and I miss it a lot.  I'm worried I'm going to have to find a lower impact exercise because of my foot.

I wanted to do the color run that is coming to my area on July 28th but I honestly don't think I can do it with my foot right now. It really makes me sad.

In other news I made a huge life change this week, I gave my notice at work so I'm officially a stay at home mom.  I'm thrilled with this new change. I know I will have more time to eat healthy and cook meals for my family as well as stay home with Violet.    Things will be tight financially but Marc and I are happy with our choice and are committed to making it work out.

And finally because I'm a proud Momma here are some of the pictures we too of Violet when she was about 10 days old.  We had a little photo shoot and I think they turned out pretty darn good.  Much better than dropping $800 on newborn photos by a professional!

These earrings are my grandmothers, she passed away when I was 13. 

I wore them on my wedding day and Violet's middle name is after her.

I stepped on the scale....

First up, Violet's weekly picture.

I am feeling a lot better from last week.  I honestly think the pain I was having was muscle related.  It's gone away completely and my band seems to be cooperating a bit more. 

I was brave on Tuesday morning and stepped on the scale at home.  I weighed in at 350lbs even.  I will take it  The lowest I have ever reached since my band surgery was in May of last year and that was 309.4lbs.  On July 11th at the ob/gyn's office for a consult on becoming pregnant I think I weighed 318.  So I was up before I got pregnant.  The highest I was on that scale the day before Violet was born was 377lbs.  Not perfect but being up only 40.5lbs right now since having a baby and breaking my foot, well I will take it.

I think it's time to talk goals.  My 30th birthday is September 3rd and I want to be under 300lbs.  It is my present to myself. I know I can do it if I get serious.  I went for my first walk since breaking my foot yesterday and I know I have a lot of work before I'm back to walking 3 plus miles a day like I was doing last summer.  Sigh.  It depresses me that my foot is going to be a major obstacle but I'm going back to physical therapy later this month so hopefully that will help.

Here is my "re-starting" before picture.

I want lots of pictures of me with my sweet baby girl so I need to get the weight off and become comfortable in front of the camera again.