Bloggeris Disappearus

I know, I haven't been sharing on this blog.  I find if I focus on my band constantly I get overwhelmed and sabotage myself.
I am focusing on being a Mama and loving up on Violet.
I started a new blog in July about my life, crafting, mama hood, cooking....a little bit of everything.  If you care to keep up with me follow me over.  I haven't got into weight loss on it yet but I plan too.
Hope to see you there!

S l o w l y . . . .

Slowly but surely I am getting my groove back with counting calories, which is what seems to work for me best over portion size.  I mean with calorie counting I get portion size but it's not the main focus....if you get what I mean.  I know I can do this but I'm resisting stepping on the scale until Sunday which will be my official weigh in days.  I don't want to mess up my groove right now.  If I see a loss then I might justify some bad choices, if I don't see a loss than I will feel hopeless and turn to my old friend emotional eating.

I also wanted to share a link to my new blog "Violet Imperfection".  It's a craft/mama/recipe/little bit of everything blog.  Hope to see you there!

Go Team USA!

Feeling Hopeless

I can't get out of my own way.  I just don't know how to get back into the groove again.  My brain tells me I can do it because I did so well last year but for some reason it also tells me that I need to eat way more than what a portion size is and that ice cream should be a daily treat.

On the positive side I have walked the last two days, woo hoo!  I guess that is one small step in the right direction.

As of today I'm exactly 50lbs heavier than I was at my lowest last summer.  Sigh.  The thing that bothers me the most is that before we moved I was down another 20lbs.  I feel like I put on those 20lbs like an idiot.  Grrr.

I'll get back to where I was....right?

What I Will Gain

I was watching TV the other night and caught the the Kellog's commercial about weighing women in Times Square.  The premise of the commercial is that instead of focusing on the weight you have to lose is focus on all the things you have to gain by having a healthy lifestyle.

I love this concept.  Of course I loosely have an idea of things I will gain by continuing to lose weight but I have never written down these things.  I think having a list to look at will be very beneficial to me when I'm having a rough time or need more motivation.

• A long healthy life.
• Feeling good about the way I look
• Confidence
• Setting a good example for my daughter
• Energy
• Accomplishing the goals I set for myself
• Being able to get down on the floor and play with Violet without becoming winded or wondering how I am going to get up from the floor.
• A second healthier pregnancy (...maybe!)
• Stamina
• Looking in the mirror and smiling

These are the things just off the top of my head.  I think I'm going to continue thinking about all the things I have to gain and printing out the list for my fridge to always remind me not to focus on what I'm losing but what I'm gaining.

What do you have to gain by losing?

Happy 4th of July!

Remember Me?

Hi!  Remember me?  I am the lost blogger known as Leslie.

I have no excuses except I have been busy with Violet, moving and just adjusting to being a stay at home Mama.  Oh and I haven't been focused on weight loss one bit.

This isn't going to be one of those great big declaration posts on how I am ashamed of how I have done or how I am jumping back on the band wagon.  That doesn't work for me, been there done that.  I have had to focus on other things and that is just how life is sometimes.   I need to remember that this is a lifestyle and not a diet.  I'm getting there.

So here is the plan.  I'm going to commit to blogging at least once a week, that should get the ball rolling again.  I'm starting to feel bad again physically.  My stamina is gone and I want it back.  I know I can do this, I have done it before.  So you will be seeing more of me...that is if you are still following along.

For now, here is your Violet fix.  Aww, I just love this little girl so very much!

This and That

My eating has been pretty decent this week, I did have a touch of the flu so I had almost two days of no food so I am sure I will see a loss this week but we will see if it sticks around.

I went out for my first walk since breaking my foot and I didn't go very far and my foot was absolutely killing me by the time I got home.  I'm really depressed that my foot is still an issue.  I'm going back to physical therapy later this month but my orthopedic doctor has told me my foot will never been the same again.  So depressing as last summer I was walking about 3 miles in the mornings before work and I really enjoyed it.  I love walking and I miss it a lot.  I'm worried I'm going to have to find a lower impact exercise because of my foot.

I wanted to do the color run that is coming to my area on July 28th but I honestly don't think I can do it with my foot right now. It really makes me sad.

In other news I made a huge life change this week, I gave my notice at work so I'm officially a stay at home mom.  I'm thrilled with this new change. I know I will have more time to eat healthy and cook meals for my family as well as stay home with Violet.    Things will be tight financially but Marc and I are happy with our choice and are committed to making it work out.

And finally because I'm a proud Momma here are some of the pictures we too of Violet when she was about 10 days old.  We had a little photo shoot and I think they turned out pretty darn good.  Much better than dropping $800 on newborn photos by a professional!

These earrings are my grandmothers, she passed away when I was 13. 

I wore them on my wedding day and Violet's middle name is after her.

I stepped on the scale....

First up, Violet's weekly picture.

I am feeling a lot better from last week.  I honestly think the pain I was having was muscle related.  It's gone away completely and my band seems to be cooperating a bit more. 

I was brave on Tuesday morning and stepped on the scale at home.  I weighed in at 350lbs even.  I will take it  The lowest I have ever reached since my band surgery was in May of last year and that was 309.4lbs.  On July 11th at the ob/gyn's office for a consult on becoming pregnant I think I weighed 318.  So I was up before I got pregnant.  The highest I was on that scale the day before Violet was born was 377lbs.  Not perfect but being up only 40.5lbs right now since having a baby and breaking my foot, well I will take it.

I think it's time to talk goals.  My 30th birthday is September 3rd and I want to be under 300lbs.  It is my present to myself. I know I can do it if I get serious.  I went for my first walk since breaking my foot yesterday and I know I have a lot of work before I'm back to walking 3 plus miles a day like I was doing last summer.  Sigh.  It depresses me that my foot is going to be a major obstacle but I'm going back to physical therapy later this month so hopefully that will help.

Here is my "re-starting" before picture.

I want lots of pictures of me with my sweet baby girl so I need to get the weight off and become comfortable in front of the camera again.

Happy Easter!

Band Issues

Since Violet was born, I have been having a few issues with my band.  I ended up having an emergency c-section due to the fact that my blood pressure was going too high and the induction was getting me far enough along to deliver naturally.  Well the first few days after the c-section I was very restricted, my band was closed for business.  It took me a super long time to eat and then the morning after my c-section when my nurse pushed the uber gigantic prenatal vitamin on me which I then proceeded to throw up while trying to hold Violet.  I shouldn't have taken the vitamin but I was still in a haze due to the magnesium they had me on to prevent seizures.  Magnesium = feels like you have been hit by a Mack truck.  (Side note, Violet's pediatrician who I had never met before her first appointment had heard about me from the hospital, I am known as the "Magnesium Mom", that is how awful that crap is).

Anyhoo, throwing up a prenatal vitamin 12 hours after a c-section equals NO FUN AT ALL.  Holy hurt, batman.  Anyways, after that I was very cautious when eating and my midwife was kind enough to prescribe my medications in liquid form.  I was in the hospital for 6 days, when I got home I had zero appetite.  I just had no interest in food for about a week.  

Fast forward to this week and I'm having some pain in the area where I imagine my band is.  It is not my port area but it band-ish area, at least in my mind.  Yesterday I was concerned enough to call the surgical weight loss clinic and make an appointment.  They were able to see me yesterday.  So my nutritionist left last summer and then my surgeon left shortly after that.  They have another hospital filling in to cover the clinic.

Let's just say I have never been so outraged at the medical profession.

Here are some choice phrases from my meeting with the covering surgeon...

"You haven't been very successful with the band"

"I see you have gained weight over the last few months, what has been going on?" (Mind you, Violet is right next to me in her car seat, DUH!)

"What have you been eating while pregnant?"  I answer that it's easy to eat around the band, ice cream goes down real smooth and he proceeds to say, "I don't understand why people do that to themselves."

Those are just the tips of the iceberg really.  I have never felt this way about our clinic, they are usually so supportive and helpful.  I have been successful with the band!  I'm up only 17lbs from my last appointment in August, I think that's pretty damn impressive as I just had a baby THREE weeks ago.

So basically the surgeon wants me to go for an Upper GI to see if my pouch is dilated.  He seems to think I've been eating so much (not the case if he'd listen to me) that my pouch has expanded.  He didn't over any fill being removed or anything.  Oh and I need to do two weeks of food journals to see the amount of calories I'm taking in, he insinuated that I could be consuming as much as 5,000 calories a day.

He treated me like I'm a freaking idiot, I'm 2 1/2 years post op.  I KNOW how this works.  Yes I've had bumps in the road but I count myself a success, I weigh less than I did when I started.

The more I think about the pain I am in, the more I think it's a muscle based pain.  It reminds me of when I had my port relocation in 2010 and went back to the gym too soon.  I just had to take it easy for a few weeks and it went away.  I think that is what it is, seeing as I'm keeping food and water down and the pain is only at night after I've been running around all day.  I'm doing a lot more than I have in months due to my broken foot and bed rest.

For now I think I'm going to skip the Upper GI and see what happens.  Of course if it gets worse I will go for it.  I don't even know if our new insurance covers anything band related so I have to check that out too.  I also think I'm going to follow my old surgeon to his new hospital.  I don't like this new guy, he's a jerk.

My Little Bunny

I promise my blog won't always be all about Violet but I can't resist posting this photo!

A Year of Violet

Everyone knows I'm addicted to Pinterest and I found this idea on there when I was killing time on bed rest.  The basic thing is taking weekly pictures of your baby through the first year.  I'm going to use different fabrics for backgrounds and at the end of the year make her quilt with all the different ones we use.  

Here are the first three photos.

I can't believe how much she has changed in just two short weeks!

Miss Violet has arrived

Violet Jane

Born 3/13/12 @ 8:55PM

7lbs 11.5oz 19.5 inches

Fat or Pregnant?

During this pregnancy I have played a game with myself, "Fat or Pregnant?" I've become obsessed with how I look.  Honestly, I don't think I have ever focused on how I have looked so much.  I guess in my mind I saw pregnancy as the great equalizer, that when I was pregnant I would just be pregnant not overweight.  Ha!  That doesn't go away my friends, silly me.

I don't have a lot of photos of me during this pregnancy because I don't feel as though I have looked sufficiently pregnant.  I know I'm being stupid and I know someday I will regret the lack of photos, especially if Violet wants to see photos of me while I was pregnant with her. I actually just scrolled through my pictures and I only have pictures from the gender reveal party and the baby shower!  How did that happen?  I don't even have any pictures of myself from Christmas!

I decided this week that I needed to get over that.  So I searched the internet for some cute poses of maternity shots and found one I liked.  Yesterday Marc helped me.  It was actually really easy to do ourselves.  I mean, they aren't fancy or anything but I'm happy.

It's really hard for me to post this picture, I don't know why.  I even sent it to my Mom to make sure it wasn't awful.  I'm so weird.  My mom said I should have included my face BUT I wasn't thrilled with those ones, I like the focus being on the belly.  And I have plenty of pictures of my face because when you are overweight cropping is your friend.  

So here I am in all my pregnant glory.  

When Violet is born, I'm going to have a photo taken of me holding her up against my belly with the ribbon and put these two pictures side by side.  I think it will be cute.

Being Pregnant and Banded

One of my biggest concerns when I was looking into weight loss surgery was about pregnancy.  The main reason for me wanting to lose weight was to have a healthy pregnancy.  I went with the band because I felt it was the better choice for me especially when considering I wanted to have a baby in the future.  

At least in the blogs that I follow there haven't been a lot of first time moms with the gastric band.  So I didn't have a lot to go off, plus I think banders sometimes don't post as much about pregnancy because they don't feel it's band related.  I'm totally guilty of that but I've tried to start blogging about all aspects of my life.  I thought it would be helpful to share some things I've learned and experienced while being pregnant with the band.

*I had approx. 7.8 ccs in my band when I became pregnant.  Both my band doctor and ob/gyn agreed there was no reason to take any fill out unless myself or the baby wasn't getting proper nutrition or if I became too restricted.

*I have had no fill removed during the pregnancy.

*I had pretty bad all day nausea during the 1st trimester.  I was never really sick in the mornings.  I don't know if my band helped me to not throw up or what.  I would have to immediately eat something when I woke up.  

*I did find that if I ate too fast or certain things, when the food would sit in my pouch for awhile it made the nausea worse.  I will admit around week 11 I found myself thinking of going in to get some fluid removed but the nausea started to get better so I'm glad I stuck it out.

*The 1st trimester the only thing I could stomach on a regular basis was carbs, saltines and mashed potatoes were my friends.  Not so much my scale's friends though.

*I have gained 39lbs during this pregnancy.

*Though I was hopeful I wouldn't gain much, it didn't happen.  I do know that when I got pregnant I was already up from my lowest of 309.4lbs.  (100lbs lost)

*If you remember, I broke my foot the week before I found out I was pregnant.  By the time the boot cast, physical therapy and my orthopedic doctor cleared me for exercise I was battling high blood pressure so I haven't exercised at all during this pregnancy.  I dream of spring walks with Violet.

*My high blood pressure is not because of my weight.  My blood pressure has NEVER been this high even 100lbs heavier.  My ob/gyn has made it clear that this happens to people who weigh 120lbs, it's just something people develop in pregnancy.

*I have had a few instances of eating too fast and such where my band declares it is still there and functioning.  I find when I get sick from being stuck, that I am more nauseous and it takes me a bit to recover, unlike before pregnancy.

*I feel as though I've had less instances of getting stuck while pregnant than before, it's almost like I'm more conscious of my eating too fast.

*My band hasn't interfered with my pregnancy at all, no issue at all.  My port was relocated higher up so it's not in my stomach area, not sure if that makes a difference or not.

*Even though I have never been pregnant without my band I feel as though the band hasn't been a problem at all which is what I wanted before surgery.

If anyone has any questions feel to ask! 

Book of the Month: February

It's no surprise that I have been reading a lot.  I mean, daytime sucks the big one and there is not much else to do while on bed rest.  I read 14 books in the month of February bringing my grand total for the year to 25.  I'm totally going to hit my goal of 60 books for 2012, thank you very much bed rest.

I didn't do this in January but I have decided from now on each month I will pick my favorite book that I read in that month.  

February Books:

12. Home Front by Kristin Hannah

13. Hidden Wives by Claire Avery

14. Before Ever After by Samantha Sotto

15. The Daughter's Walk by Jane Kirkpatrick

16. The Next Big Thing by Johanna Edwards

17. The Flight of Gemma Hardy by Margot Livesey

18. The Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah

19. To Be Queen by Christy English

20. The Bungalow by Sarah Jio

21. The Violets of March by Sarah Jio

22. The Lost Hours by Karen White

23. Learning to Breathe by Karen White

24. Deep Down True by Juliette Fay

25. Three Wishes by Liane Moriarty

"Before Ever After" by Samantha Sotto.

This month it's hard for me to pick a favorite, I really enjoyed a lot of these books.

This book is part fairy tale, part romance and part self discovery.  I really couldn't put it down.  

Here is the Amazon description which is way better than I can describe.

Three years after her husband Max's death, Shelley feels no more adjusted to being a widow than she did that first terrible day. That is, until the doorbell rings. Standing on her front step is a young man who looks so much like Max–same smile, same eyes, same age, same adorable bump in his nose–he could be Max's long-lost relation. He introduces himself as Paolo, an Italian editor of American coffee table books, and shows Shelley some childhood photos. Paolo tells her that the man in the photos, the bearded man who Paolo says is his grandfather though he never seems to age, is Max. Her Max. And he is alive and well. As outrageous as Paolo's claims seem–how could her husband be alive? And if he is, why hasn't he looked her up? – Shelley desperately wants to know the truth. She and Paolo jet across the globe to track Max down–if it is really Max– and along the way, Shelley recounts the European package tour where they had met. As she relives Max's stories of bloody Parisian barricades, medieval Austrian kitchens, and buried Roman boathouses, Shelley begins to piece together the story of who her husband was and what these new revelations mean for her "happily ever after." And as she and Paolo get closer to the truth, Shelley discovers that not all stories end where they are supposed to.

February Honorable Mentions:

Home Front by Kristin Hannah & The Daughter's Walk by Jane Kirkpatrick

Happy Reading!

Crafting Update

I've been crafting again!  Well, not again really.  I've been crafting pretty consistently while on bed rest.  I just haven't posted any pictures in a bit.

I made these with inspiration from a craft I saw on pinterest.  They didn't quite come out like the ones on pinterest because I used different fabric but I think they are cute.  

Here are the ones from Pinterest.

Source: goinghometoroost.com via Leslie on Pinterest

I made Violet a cute little tutu for her newborn photos.  I didn't make the tulle go all the way around so that it wouldn't bunch up underneath her while we are taking the photos.  I also made the elastic longer so we can just pin it to her size. The tulle is a cream color but it looks a little more white in the photo.

A headband to match.

Here is another Pinterest inspired craft.  A holder for her headbands and hairclips. I made all the clips.  I love that you can just attach them to whatever headband.  A lot of these are over the top and for photos and I have some supplies I ordered online for more everyday headbands.  This was seriously easy to do.  I painted the frame, hot glued the ribbon on the back and Marc put the hooks in for me.  I could have done that myself but he offered so I took him up on it.  

Here is the one I saw on Pinterest that inspired me.

Source: theparopost.com via Leslie on Pinterest

Lastly I have some pacifier clips that I made.  I have been looking to buy them and most stores want $7 or $8 bucks for them.  I think that is RIDICULOUS.  So I looked online and I looked in the stores and decided to whip them up myself.  I bought cute little suspender/alligator clips and ribbon and on the end is a loop of elastic to attach the pacifier or even a toy.  They were the easiest things ever and probably took me about a minute to make each one.  I want to get some cute little embellishments for the alligator clip part, you can see on the teal one I added a flower.  I think I'm going to make a few for gifts for people I know who are having baby soon plus the ones for Violet.  I bet you this craft cost me less than $2 to make each and I think I'm overestimating at that.

Right now I have two projects going, a crochet bobble blanket for a family member who is pregnant and a rag rug for Violet's room.  I'm hoping to finish both this week but we shall see.

Make a List Monday - Books/Authors

So it's almost 3AM here and I've been up for about an hour.  The joys of not sleeping while pregnant.  Oh well, at least I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow!

I didn't have time to do Make a List Monday from Robyn's Nest  last week but I'm going to today!  This week's topic your Top 10 list of Books/Authors.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that having me pick my favorite authors/books is not an easy thing but for Make a List Monday I will do it!

1. Jennifer Weiner

I love all her books and I frequently re-read them because they are just that good.  My favorites are "Good in Bed", "Little Earthquakes", "Goodnight Nobody" and "Certain Girls".

2. Kristin Hannah

Another writer where I have read all her books.  My absolute favorite is "Winter Garden" followed closely by "Night Road".

3. Wanderlust by Danielle Steel

This is one of her older books and for some reason I find myself reading it about once a year.  I just love the story even though I know what is going to happen. 

4. Diane Chamberlain

I found her books about two years ago and quickly read them all.  I do that a lot, find an author I love and cruise through all their books.  I think my favorite of hers is "The Midwife's Confession".

6. Jennifer Donnelly

I have loved her Tea Rose series and she also writes young adult fiction as well.  "Revolution" was sooooo good!

7. Jodi Picoult

I love her books and am looking forward to her new one that is coming out next week.  I think my two favorites of hers are "Second Glance" and "Handle with Care".  

8.  Tasha Alexander

I love love LOVE her Lady Emily series.  I also look forward to a new book in Lady Emily's adventures.

9. The Winter Sea by Susanna Kearsley

I just recently read this and let me tell you the story just transported me.  I couldn't put it down!

10. Julie Klassen

"The Girl at the Gatehouse" is my favorite of Julie Klassen's books.  I read them so fast that I get sad when they end and I have to wait a whole year for her next book.

Fur Babies

I have no excuse on my lack of blogging except that my life consists of my couch, bed, the hospital and lots of TV.  All pretty boring for the most part.

Bed rest is going well, we had a bit of a scare on Monday, my blood pressure was quite high, they ran some more tests and did more monitoring on Tuesday but all turned out well.  On Monday they had said if things were not good on Tuesday that we would be having a baby.  Talk about a mini freak out.  This baby needs to cook longer so I'm being really good and staying on the couch and trying to enjoy this quiet time.

I've been doing a lot of crafting and taking pictures of my cats.  I can't imagine how many pictures of Violet I will take when she gets here if the amount of pictures I've taken of my cats in the last few weeks are any indication.  

I realized in all of my picture posting on this little blog that I haven't really shared pictures of my first children, my fur babies if you will.  So here they are.

My Sully kitty.  He weighs over 20lbs and is the biggest baby you will ever meet, also has the wimpiest meow ever.  Sully is going to be 8 on Feb. 28th.  I've had him since he was a kitten.

Ruby, our sweet kitten.  She is teeny, feisty and quite adventurous.  She will be 5 in June.  Marc and I adopted her together when we moved in together.   

 My closet rod broke before we finished the nursery so all my clothes ended up in the crib and of course the cats ended up laying on them.

This is how you find Sully most of the time. 

They both don't know what to make of all the baby stuff around the house.

The other morning I'm making a bagel for breakfast and I look over and Ruby is staring at me from the top of the door.  I still can't figure out how she managed to get up there!

Hmmm...what is this room for?  

I'm interested to see how the kitties adjust to Violet.  I think for the most part they will steer clear of her, they will just want to sleep on all of her stuff as cats are sure to do.